EXCLUSIVE: TOM HIDDLESTON GIVES US HIS DATING TIPS
The Thun (spoof of The Times)

95% Of Pollsters Wish They Were On Holiday Right Now, According to Latest Poll

Jimmy Pollsters, of Pollsters, Pollsters And Pollsters (Great Britain), who predicted a comfortable win for pollsters in the latest referendum, was unavailable for comment last night 'whilst his latest cheque was being cleared', his assistant told this newspaper.

Pollsters, 45, came to prominence with polls so apparently wildly off the mark at first glance that people would look at what he said and think there was an error but later find out that his poll was the closest to the right answer to any other poll there was. He came to the attention of the mainstream in 2013 following an internet documentary in which he showed how he got his wildly accurate polling figures, some of which included counting the hairs on his dog's nose, how many bottles of beer he could drink and still be able to type his name, and spitting on an opened newspaper and then taking the nearest number to the spittle he could find.

His final poll showed Leave at 1945% and Remain at 4.

The Polling Continues

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Correction: In yesterday's story: Jeremy Corby Is Outted As Jedi Master After Pulling Off The Brexit He Had Been Arguing For The Last 40 Years it seems there was an error: Nigel Farage looks like a frog, and not a dog as we claimed - we are happy to set the record straight. [link]

TEN THINGS YOU CAN DO NOW AFTER BREXIT THAT YOU COULDN'T DO BEFORE
LeMonade - Le Monde parody

You Have Got To Be Merdeing Kidding Us

Zut Alors! We love the British sense of humour, never better than Bernard Manning in that television special of 1971, but leaving the EU? This is some sort of joke right? You'll have another referendum later and confirm you're staying, now you've given this pissy fit a try, right?

You know that Boris Johnson was the dick who got stick up on that zip wire at the Olympics right? I mean your media reported that right?

Even that fat English bloke on American television told you not to go. Don't you listen to David Beckham any more? (We stopped listening to Gary Lineker years ago too.)

Nigel farage (Frog) By Bignoter (English WP) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)], via Wikimedia Commons

Farage, 50, above, meeting supporters as poll results became clear this morning..

The Are You Crazy? continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Also In Today's Paper:

David Cameron Wipes Tears Away Using SPAD's Shirt While He Was Still Wearing It

Who'd You Rather, Brexit Special? Boris Johnson Stuck On A Zip Wire At The Olympics or Boris Johnson Falling Over In Mud

Ten Things You Can Now Do Better Outside Europe [link]

BANK OF ENGLAND SET TO START CLOSING DOWN SALE
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Does anybody know when the movie Independence Day is on the telly next? I'm in the mood for it right now.

Yours, George Porgie

Dear Sir,

So this, now, is like the boring bit of the Eurovision Song Contest when all the results come in? I'm sure Malta will still give us 12 points.

Yours, Harry Fredstone

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Dear Sir,

Moody's have reduced our credit thingie from stable to negative. Can't we send Brexit Queen Joan Collins round to sort them out? Nobody said this would be easy.

Yours, Jeremy Clarkson-Paxman [link]

Lieration - Good Luck front page
EXCLUSIVE: Tom Jones Premiers His Latest Hit Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogery chwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Blues
The Thun (spoof of The Times)

Latest Scores: Project Fear 44, Project Cockeyed Optimists 55

Project Cockeyed Optimists topped the polls this week for the first time with 55% of voters saying they supported it.

The pound slumped and shares ricocheted off the walls in certain places on the downward spiral of financeageddon.

In other polls, Project Cockeyed Optimists were judged to have better breakfasts than Project Fear with 67% of them having a cooked breakfast with sausages, eggs and baked beans more than three times a week. Project Fear had muesili and fruit with slightly gone off milk.

The I'mGettin'Out-a-Here continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Correction: In yesterday's story: 3% Of British Population 'Not Sure' If Britain In EU it seems there was an error: David Cameron's middle names are not George Michael as we claimed. [link]

WAS THAT OUR SUMMER? RAIN TO FALL FOR NEXT TWO WEEKS
LeMonade - Le Monde parody

Bunnies Come Out For Brexit

Bunny rabbits are calling for Britain to leave the European Union today in one of the cutest Brexit referendum messages to date.

Other calls from the animal kingdom included Nazi Dogs For Remain, Terrorist Cats For Remain and Hippos for Brexit.

Many on the Remain side have criticised bunny rabbits for not making their position clear earlier.

Meanwhile women in bunny rabbit costumes have been pro Brexit for the last three weeks. Men in bunny rabbit costumes are still to call which side of the fence they are on.

The referendum continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Also In Today's Paper:

Who'd You Rather, Remain Special? David Cameron Or George Osborne?

Who'd You Rather, Brexit Special? Michael Gove or Iain Duncan Smith?

Mystic Jeremy Predicts Referendum Result [link]

CHRIS EVANS SET TO APOLOGISE MORE FULLY AFTER LAST EPISODE OF CURRENT SERIES, PROMISES BBC EXEC
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Has anybody thought to ask how good a singing voice Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has? All this fuss and nonsense about him not singing the national anthem that time and nobody thought to think that he could be one of those really loud bad singers that upsets many nearby.

Yours, George Gummybear

Dear Sir,

Does a Brexit mean we will be kicked out of the Eurovision Song Contest? I haven't heard anybody mention it. It's important.

Yours, Ben Geraldo

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Dear Sir,

I saw a recent survey in which 1% of the British population said they definitely knew they were not in the European Union. 3% didn't know. Translated into the whole population that is 2.5 million people who think we are either definitely not in the EU or don't know. I am sneering as I write this. It is simply not good enough.

Yours, Jeremy Paxman-Clarkson [link]

WILL TEA AND SCONES TASTE BETTER AFTER BREXIT? YES SAYS LEAVE
The Thun (spoof of The Times)

New Top Gear Will End If Country Votes To Remain In Europe, Promises Cameron

Fearing his threats of Brexitcalypse are beginning to fall on deaf ears, David Cameron has decided to go with the carrot instead offering British television viewers the prospect that the new Top Gear will never be on television ever again if the country votes to remain in Europe on 23rd June, that's according to a speech by the Prime Minister standing in a queue at a chippie in the North of England earlier today.

The new Top Gear, starring the British Chris Evans as Jeremy Clarkson, was widely criticised although the programme still managed to be the most watched programme on the channel that evening as most people found themselves unable to switch over as many were mesmerised at how strange the whole thing looked.

One viewer tweeted: "It was like I had been in a coma for a year and I was watching a Comic Relief one off with that guy from Friends and Chris Evans."

The howyoudooin continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Correction: In yesterday's story: Summer Cancelled Unless We Remain In Europe, Claims David Cameron it seems there was an error: The third picture should have been of a young child dressed as the devil with the sign 'Vote Leave', we are happy to set the record straight. [link]

BIG BEN TO BE RENAMED BIG BENOIRE IF WE STAY IN EUROPE, CLAIMS JOHNSON
LeMonade - Le Monde parody

Brexit Will Cause Crazy Golf Chaos, Warns Brussels Minister

Warnings that Crazy Golf will be one of the worst affected sports if Britain decides to leave Europe were raised once again today in a press conference in Brussels.

Crazy Golf is the putting game with golf clubs when you try to get your ball underneath a windmill, or up a slide, and into a hole.

Crazy Golf is popular with very drunk people on beach holidays, although sometimes fat people play it too. Britain has more fat people than France does because they don't eat French food, such as soft cheeses, olives and bread shaped like a club.

The yeee-aarrrrgghhh continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Also In Today's Paper:

Do You Dress Like Brexit, But Intend To Vote Remain? Our Fashion Expert Reveals All

I Really Loved The New Top Gear, Says Our Brilliant Correspondent Jilly Jamster

The New Top Gear Was Perfect For Us Shouty Gingers, Says Our Brilliant Ginger Correspondent [link]

IS CHRIS EVANS ABOUT TO BE SECRETLY REPLACED WITH AMERICAN CHRIS EVANS? YES SAYS TOP GEAR PRODUCER
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Matt Le Blanc is a revelation as himself in the new Top Gear. He is neither as dumb as he was in Friends, or as manipulative as he was in Episodes. Bravo!

Yours, Fred Meester

Dear Sir,

What happens if the EU referendum is a draw?

Yours, Ben Geraldo

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Dear Sir,

Does the leave or remain camp have one of those animal mascots? The one most like a Bulldog will get my vote.

Yours, Jenny Jupiter [link]

ARE YOU IN DANGER OF A BREXIT DEATH? TAKE OUR OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT TEST
The Thun (spoof of The Times)

Your House Will Fall Down If You Vote Brexit, Warns Cameron

Warnings to British property owners couldn't become more stark last night with latest estimates that up to 100% of British owned homes will fall down if the country votes to leave the EU next month.

This is just the latest warning of the apocalypse that will ensue following a Brexit vote on 23rd June.

Other warnings if we leave Europe issued last week included:

The Queens' Hats Will Be Too Big And Will Slip Down Her Face If We Leave Europe, Says Cameron

Aldi And Lidl Are A Covert German Invasion Force Set To Start Another War On June 24th If We Try To Leave Europe, Claims Former Buckingham Palace Butler

Marshmallows Will Burn If You Try To Cook Them On A Camp Fire If We Leave Europe, Claims Osborne

The terror continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Correction: In yesterday's story: Insurance Company Offers To Insure Houses From Falling Down After Brexit Vote For Reasonable Premium it seems there was an error: The phrase SPONSORED FEATURE was omitted from the story. As the story was a paid for advertisement this phrase should have been prominent under a voluntary agreement we have with the press regulators. [link]

INSIDE: HOW TO KNOW MORE ABOUT TECHNOLOGY THAN YOUR GRANDCHILDREN, PART 168: WILL THE INTERNET STILL WORK IF WE VOTE BREXIT? NO SAYS CAMERON
LeMonade - Le Monde parody

Tony Blair Will Make Millions If We Leave Europe, Warns Cameron

Tony Blair will 'make millions' if the country were to leave Europe, claims David Cameron speaking at a Vote Remain Barbeque And Grill on which British sausages were cooked using British tongs.

Tony Blair, who has made millions since leaving Number 10, is set to make even more money if the country leaves Europe, according to official Vote Remain government figures.

The Brexification continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Also In Today's Paper:

Which Celebrity Has Been Nicknamed Fatty McFatface On Twitter? The Answer Will Surprise You

TV Chef Apologises Over 'Nutmeg' Misunderstanding

Brexit Supporters Discuss Their 'Freedom Breakfasts' If They Win Referendum [link]

ARE YOU ARGUMENTATIVE? SHUT UP AND DO OUR BRILLIANT QUIZ
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

When somebody dies they always say they are late afterwards. I find this confusing if nobody has told me they had died in the first place. Why can't they just say they are dead like normal people? Like instead of saying the late Prince, the dead Prince?

Yours, Ben Bungee

Dear Sir,

They keep saying that the referendum is on a knife's edge. This is stupid. Nobody can stand on a knife. It's more like a bridge or something.

Yours, Harry Brexit

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Dear Sir,

Thank you for printing the brilliant Chewbacca Mom video, above. It made me laugh so hard I almost had puppies.

Yours, Jenny Jupiter [link]

IN OR OUT OR SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT? TEN TELL TALE SIGNS THE REFERENDUM IS TURNING INTO OKIE KOKIE
The Thun (spoof of The Times)

Brexit Will Lead To More Earthquakes, Claims NATO

Britain should be braced for more earthquakes if it decides to leave Europe in the referendum on 23rd June, according to a NATO think tank.

"The UK has traditionally had very few earthquakes in the past but the number of them is set to soar if the country decides to leave Europe," according to the report published today.

Using graphs and data NATO showed the risks of Brexit, which also include hailstorms, floods and longer queues in shops.

But a spokesman for the leave campaign told this newspaper: "Even Hitler wouldn't have suggested that. It's stupid."

The debate continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Correction: In yesterday's story: Brits Warned To Avoid Dunkirk On 24th June If They Vote Brexit, Says Cameron it seems there was an error: Michael Gove and Boris Johnson are not the same person and have frequently been seen together at events, we are happy to set the record straight. [link]

INSIDE: HOW TO KNOW MORE ABOUT TECHNOLOGY THAN YOUR GRANDCHILDREN, PART 167: WHAT IF I BREAK GOOGLE?
LeMonade - Le Monde parody

'MI5 Tried To Put Bug In Johnson's Hair' Claims Brexit Supporter

MI5, the British security service that came to fame in the James Bond movies, are so paranoid that the country will vote to leave Europe on 23rd June that they tried to put a bug in Boris Johnson's hair, according to an insider Brexit supporter.

The Brexit supporter claims he filmed the attempt on the ex mayors head on his iPhone.

The bug, which it is believed once placed in his hair could have lay undetected for months, could easily send back useful information like what he was going to say about Hitler next.

The referendxit sieg heil continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Also In Today's Paper:

Cameron Warns Brits To Get Bomb Shelters Ready After Brexit Vote on 24th June

Hitler Would Have Voted To Leave Europe If He Was British Claims Academic

Are Dogs Safe If Country Votes To Leave Europe? PM Says He's Concerned [link]

WILL BREXIT LEAD TO HIGHER MR WHIPPY PRICES? ICE CREAM FEARS ON COUNTRY'S BEACHES
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Has anybody dared to ask Tyson Fury if he's voting for a Brexit?

Yours, Harry Bender

Dear Sir,

If Spain voted to leave Europe would it be called a Spaxit?

Yours, Ben Brady

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Dear Sir,

I think I saw Katie Hopkins run naked with a sausage up her bottom the other day but it didn't make the papers. Is this a cover up?

Yours, Mark Totally [link]