The House of Lords is to be fitted with an alarm that will go off when a Lord snoozes during debates, we have discovered.

The House of Lords, the upper chamber of Parliament, is to be fitted with the alarm made by fog horn manufacturer Horns Inc.

The sound will not be as loud as an actual fog horn which could deafen the Lords if it went off in an enclosed area.

An expert in naval fog horns told this newspaper: "The aim is for the horn to be just loud enough to give their Lordships a 'start'. Possibly one or two of the more nervous Lords falling off their seats, but nothing more."

But as a fog horn has never been used in this way before, the House of Lords horn will have to go through what is being described as a 'trial and error' phase.

A spokesman for the company told this newspaper: "If we set the horn too loudly expect to see walking sticks flying through the air and the crashing to the ground of particularly infirm Lordships, or possibly aged screams for help during the trial period until the optimal level of the horn is fixed. This shouldn't take more than six months or five million impressions on Youtube which ever happens first."

House Of Oh My Good Lawd What's This Then?

Ooh - Where's me stick?

Oh, how terrible I felt when I heard that a Lord was being offered money. It's a disgrace! Don't they get paid their expenses and get to be called your Lordship and wear ermine? I mean isn't that enough? Yes it is, let me answer my own question there.

I mean they are all very old and they probably own their houses so what do they want money for? I mean it's not like they will spend it on anything interesting is it?

No, their Lordships must understand that the reason they are not paid properly is because we are trying to save money on government in this the worst recession since many of them were born.

Paying them a realistic salary would just be too expensive.