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Snooker revamp ideas from the national press - 13th January 2009
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Snooker Loopy

PERT UP THOSE NIPPLES WITH OUR GREAT FREE NIPPLE WORKOUT INSIDE TODAY
The Boobs (spoof of The Sun)

Topless Page Three Girl-Snooker Is Sport's Only Hope

Ronnie O'Sullivan's call for an entrepreneur like Simon Cowell to inject new ideas into the sport, were welcomed by our page three editor this morning: "This is the best idea I've heard since the first time I saw a young woman removing her shirt to show off her unbrassiered top."

BALLS

Topless page three girl- snooker is the way forward, and here's how it will work.

BUFF

Page three beauties will be trained by international snooker stars in a reality show, with each week a topless match deciding who stays in the show and who progresses to the next level.

GET 'EM OUT LOVE

A Simon Cowell lookalike told this newspaper: "Topless page three girl-snooker is the sport's only hope."
13 Jan

 

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Nuts Are We

AT LAST SOMETHING TO REALLY MOAN ABOUT: 2009 WILL BE WORSE THAN THE START OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION IN 1929
Daily Moan (Spoof of Daily Mail)

'Drunk Snooker', 'Strip Snooker' or 'Square Cube-Balls Snooker' Are The Best Ideas We Can Come Up With, Ron

Here at the Daily Moan we are only too happy to come up with ideas to revamp snooker, the granddad of all boring sports, following Ronnie O'Sullivan's outburst.

What about these suggestions:

Drunken snooker: One unit of alcohol to be consumed for each frame.

It's A Knockout snooker: Where players wear oversized butler suits.

Strip snooker: Lose a frame, take off an item of clothing...

Cube snooker: Snooker played with cubes instead of balls.

Flashy snooker: Balls with flashing lights in them and pinball sounds every time a ball is hit and enters a hole.

Oh my gawd. If there is a problem with snooker it is that it is just not very interesting in the first place: A pig in a new dress is still a pig.
13 Jan

 

  

We're All Snooker Loopy

FREE SMELL FOR EVERY READER (SCRATCH AND WHIFF CARD ON PAGE 15)
Dully Mirror (Spoof of Daily Mirror)

Cowell Asked To Advise On Snooker Development. But Is Musical Snooker The Way Forward? Huh?

Shortly before we heard Ronnie O'Sullivan calling for the services of Simon Cowell to revamp snooker, we had already discovered plans to add more music to the sport.

Auditions for snooker players who can sing and play snooker to an international standard have been taking place over the last year.

Unfortunately few are good at both.

Either the snooker player can play snooker or they can sing and dance, the two rarely go together.

Ronnie O'Sullivan is to be asked to audition for musical snooker. But can he sing? We bet not.

DID YA KNOW?: Snooker is only still on the telly today because there is nothing cheaper available. Snooker goes on for ages so the per hour cost of snooker is still the lowest of any professional sport.
13 Jan