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Saver
Riots
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RABBIT FOR EVERY READER, INSIDE TODAY
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Saver
Riots Close Barstard Bank Branch,
Tunbridge Wells
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Savers
took to the streets in Kent
today in what could be a sign
of things to come.
Savers
began congregating on the
streets of small English towns
soon after the Bank of England
announced it was cutting interest
rates to 1.5%, the lowest
in 300 years.
One
saver, spitting with rage,
told this newspaper: "This
is blood sweat and tears I've
saved here, and this government
is now just taking the piddle.
I want to kick some butt until
I feel better."
Harry
Joyless, manager of the Barstard
Bank branch in Tunbridge Wells,
said that he decided to close
the branch after a number
of savers came into the branch
shouting and threatening to
show off their bottoms to
staff, some as young as 18."
The
sales of mattresses is set
to rise as savers are expected
to get their money out of
the banks and put it under
them.
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8
Jan
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Saver Riots
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Britain
Braced For Worst Saver Riots In 250
Years
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British
interest rates, set by the Bank of
England, plummeted to a new all time
low for the last 35 million years,
of 1.5%, a record.
Soon
after the announcement savers took
to the streets in running pitched
battles with police in towns across
the country.
It is believed that there are 7 times
as many savers as there are borrowers
in the country so it may not be much
of a fair fight, a bit like the Israel/Gaza
conflict.
A
savings expert told this newspaper:
"I
am quite surprised at the reaction
of some savers to this rate reduction.
Savers are normally a quiet, timid
prudent bunch, but it only goes to
show you can only push people so far."
All
police leave has been cancelled, and
bank staff have been told to be really
slow handing over the money.
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8
Jan
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Even
More Saver Riots
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PET KITTEN FOR EVERY READER INSIDE TODAY'S PAPER
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Savers
Take To The Streets
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In
what could be the sign of
things to come, savers started
queuing up to take their money
out of banks and building
societies to put under their
own mattresses.
This,
after interest rates fell
to their lowest in history.
Riots
in some towns in the south
of England were also reported
as savers were told they will
have to wait for their money,
in some cases perhaps until
the economy recovers in 2023.
An
expert in coins told this
newspaper:
"The
housing bubble has now collapsed
and now those responsible,
i.e. the people who gave their
savings to the financial institutions
to invest in the housing market,
must now bare their share
of the blame for the mess.
It's tough now, and it will
only get tougher."
Terrorist
laws prevent us from reporting
any more on this story.
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8
Jan
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