Video evidence of the collapse in the share price of Royal Ballsup of Scotland indicates that it was brought down with a controlled demolition, according to campaign group Stockbrokers For Truth At RBS.

Speaking anonymously, some professor from somewhere told this newspaper: "There is no way that the RBS share price would have fallen like it did unless someone had put explosives inside the shares and brought it down that quickly."

The RBS share price, above, fell in close to freefall speed from £21 to 29p in a matter of months. This is a clear sign that the collapse of the share price was intended, according to conspiracy theorists.

Another piece of the conspiracy jigsaw was discovered last night when it was revealed that rather than punishing the head of RBS at the time of the collapse, Sir Fred Goodwin was actually rewarded with a £650,000 a year pension starting immediately. He is only 50 years of age. Why would a bank who didn't want its share price to collapse like that pay him so much money for a job so seemingly badly done? At first it seemed to make no sense.

But the explanation could be that billions of pounds could have been made by short sellers who knew that the share price was going to fall. Is this what happened? Our investigations continue.

Next week:

Cryptographic evidence from scientists confirm that some algorithms can convert the initials 'RBS' to '911'.

The £325bn toxic RBS loans guaranteed by the British government could include loans to porn companies, according to a guy on YouTube.

Why Sir Fred Should Keep His £650k Pension

What?

Who wrote that bloody headline?

Sir Fred, who presided over one of the biggest failures in British corporate history, getting paid a £650,000 a year pension at the age of 50?

Are you kidding me?

WELL, ARE YOU?

Sorry, I almost swore.

No, fudge it, I'm going to swear!

That is how angry the Daily Moan is at Sir Fred Goodwin getting paid £650,000 a year pension.

Arrrrrr gggggg hhhhhhh!!!

Are this government bleedin out of their minds? What do we pay MI5 for if this kind of thing can be allowed to go on?

Guantanamo Bay is closing, can't we use that to fill up with bankers?

No, I'm serious now, my hysteria has now cleared and I can see clearly now.

Gitmo Bay for Bankers!

Hmmm. That has a ring to it. That might be a good campaign. Join me brothers and savers, rally to the cause!!!

Royal Ballsup Of Scotland To Turn Itself Into Chain Of Coffee Shops

Failed bank the RBS is to turn the clock back to its historical roots. RBS, which can trace its roots to a coffee shop when it started trading in 1721, is set to sell the very same coffees, teas and biscuits that merchants in the 18th century used to enjoy. Waitresses at the RBS will be trained to bring sugar and spices for the traders merchants to add to their hot and warm beverages. RBS coffee shops, of course, were also one of the first to allow their customers to drink tea. Then, controversially, hot drinking chocolate in 1735, at which time this newspaper covered the controversy under the headline: Hot Chocolate For Sale In A Coffee Shop, Have They Gone Too Far This Time? The RBS, which this time last year was worth £75bn, today is worth £2.50, the price of a Latte in Starbucks.