Oh me, oh my! What a titsapointment this film turned out to be!

One donned ones best suit, straightened ones crisply tied bow, and walked with great anticipation, almost glee, to my local cinema. An eve'n of wit and 'Carry On' type humour seemed to be in prospect from those likely lads from Gavin and Stacy.

Now, before I go on, let me reveal my credentials for reviewing this movie. For it t'was I who was the first to review 'Carry On Camping' for the now defunct Daily Whoops-A-Daisy back in the 70's.

I was quite cross with Kenneth Williams at the time, and gave the movie quite a drubbing, if memory serves. The movie was, indeed, bra flingingly awful - even Barbra Windsor quickly covered her newly catapulted off de-bra'ed breasts to cover her embarrassment. And so she should have done.

Unfortunately for Lesbian Vampire Killers, the problems are too numerous to mention. Far too few tents. Far too few bras pinging off during aerobics. Far too little Kenneth Williams.

Roll on season three of Gavin and Stacy. In the meantime is it too much to ask these Lesbians to put some clothes on?

Lesbian Vampire Killers - Why Oh Why Oh Why?

At last, something to moan about that isn't the financial crisis. Or was this load of old tosh financed by RBS, or HBOS or even Essex Thug Loans?

I tried looking for the joke in the breast bopping disaster that is Lesbian Vampire Killers.

Breasts, from A- all the way up to Supersize DDD, were on display.

If all you want is a movie filled with page three girls dressed up as vampires then this is for you.

I moaned loudly and at length throughout this awful movie, but the idiots around me didn't seem to notice. I witnessed drug taking in the cinema, and even women borking out their breasts for the lads (is borking the correct verb these days?) Why doesn't anybody do anything about this naughtyness?

The film is awful. The leading men are either too fat or too skinny depending on which leading man you choose. Miss it or you will die.