Sir Fred Goodwin is to keep his pension pot and any office supplies he took from the office on his last day at work, our investigations have confirmed.

It is believed that Sir Fred took with him stationary, a pen and a stapler amongst other things, according to sources.

Correction: Sir Fred was given his knighthood for services to banking and not for 'pissing about in boats with Prince Charles' as we reported earlier. We have agreed to buy a pot of strawberry jam from the Dutchy of Cornwall in compensation.

Sir Fred Goodwin Wins Lotto Jackpot Of £7mn

Sir Fred Goodwin, former CEO of Ruddy Ballsup Of Scotland, previously a bank, has won Wednesday's Lotto jackpot, it has been revealed. He is set to scoop £7.23mn all for himself to take his winnings to £35mn over the last month, a record.

An official said Gordon Brown made 'the sound of 15 Homer Simpsons' on hearing the news.

Sir Fred, who made a small fortune out of a larger one, is still 50.

Caviar, Tesco's Finest Roast Potatoes in Goose Fat and a silk scarf owned by the Tsar of Russia, are all things Sir Fred can now buy with his Lotto jackpot winnings and pension pot.

Nobody was sued.

Badfartleys Bank To Apologise, Give All Outstanding Mortgages Away To Customers

Badfartleys Bank, which hasn't officially taken any money from the Bank of England although after recent law changes we wouldn't know if they had, has said it is to close its mortgage book and give away all the mortgaged houses as a gift to its customers. Maybe more later.