Tory Slur Email Latest - 15th April 2009

Tory Slur Email Latest - 15th April 2009

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FREE SECRET ABOUT DAVID CAMERON'S MUM FOR EVERY READER

Database Of '100 Years Of Tory Sleaze' Hinted At By Email From Number 10

A secret Labour database that has been used to store embarrassing Tory indiscretions over the last 100 years has juicy allegations about David Cameron, George Osborne and William Hague in it, claims a blogger.

Things top Tories wouldn't want to get out are all on this database including:

David Cameron listened to music made by drug influence musicians whilst he was at university.

There is a picture somewhere of George Osborne drinking a cocktail with one of those umbrella thingies in.

William Hague really enjoyed wearing that baseball cap with 'Hague' on it.

What could be the equivalent of more than 5 million Post It notes, or the backs of 2 million envelopes, are on this database enabling the Labour leadership to be only three clicks away from a Tory smear that could win them the next election and the adulation of struggling tabloid newspaper owners everywhere.

Elsewhere in today's paper: 'I would have whipped my tits out and be photographed naked even if it wasn't for a charity calendar' says Britain's Got Talent star.

15 April

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FREE SECRET PICTURE OF WHAT MIGHT BE GEORGE OSBORNE DRESSED UP AS BOY GEORGE FOR EVERY READER

Senior Tory Party Members Criticised For Having "Boring Families"

Tory family members are all fair game in the game of politics, especially if we can get a good story out of it, that's according to a general feeling about the office today.

Why is it that we don't hear a pip squeak out of any of the Tory families when all is going well, but then the second an email comes out of Number 10 criticising them all hell breaks loose?

A producer for telly favourite Family Fortunes told us that he would never have a Tory party member's family on the show because the 'ratings [would] be a disaster'.

"You can almost hear the uuuuuk eerrrrrr from Cambden," said a runner.

If the Tories want to be taken seriously then they should stop wimping about and come out all guns blazing. The only reason the Tories are acting all hurt and such is because they haven't got the ammo on this bloody brilliant government. Go get em Gord!

15 April

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Further Details Of Labour's Secret Plans To Make George Osborne's Wife Fret Revealed

The Tory Party may have to shut down if latest Labour Party allegations about senior party members cannot be disproved, or even have to sell their families, according to sources.

This would be the biggest casualty yet in what is the worst economic downturn since 1456.

But sources close to David Cameron says he is adamant that this is not the end of the party and he will fight on.

Nothing has been heard from Peter Mandelson for two weeks, a record.

15 April