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Big Brother Death - 30th June 2009
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BB Death

FREE 'MICHAEL JACKSON FOREVER' POSTER
The Boobs (spoof of The Sun)
Big Brother Crisis As Audience Falls To 3

Failing Channel Four were left with omelet on their faces when the egg on their faces set instantly due to the scorching weather today, after it was revealed that a contestant on Big Brother died of a massive heart attack live on the show but nobody noticed.

The BB death tragically happened about the same time the legendary king of pop, "Wacko Jacko", popped off for good, and producers had shut up the Brother studios believing the media world had just ended and there was no point in going on.

A spokesman for Big Brother UK told this newspaper: "The death of a contestant is a very serious thing and we are taking it very seriously."

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Other buried news stories released on Friday during coverage of the Michael Jackson death included:

State owned National Rail to pay £3bn bonuses to senior managers.

MPs to be compensated for 'hurt to feelings' and will receive a refund for any expenses they repaid during recent 'unfair' tabloid 'witchhunt'.

All MPs to get a free Michael Jackson CD paid for by taxpayers.

30 June

 
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More BB Death

FREE MICHAEL JACKSON 'THIS IS REALLY IT' TOUR POSTER
Daily Moan (Spoof of Daily Mail)
 

Big Brother Contestant Dies In House, Left For Three Days Scorcher

 

There were red faces in Channel Four towers today after a BB contestant was found dead in his bed after a massive heart attack.

The tragedy was only discovered Monday morning when the cleaners came in.

Initial postmortem results showed the contestant died at 11pm Thursday night whilst the Michael Jackson death unfolded in the USA.

Big Brother viewers, who had also all been diverted by the Jackson tragedy, failed to notice that one of the housemates didn't get out of bed at all on Saturday or Sunday.

Bastard Channel Four eventually immediately suspended the live feed Monday morning and replaced it with Michael Jackson videos. Ratings went up seven million percent.

30 June

 

 

Big Tragedy Brother

FREE MICHAEL JACKSON GLOVE FOR EVERY READER
Daily Stir (Spoof of Daily Star)
Big Brother Tits Out In Heatwave Shocker Following Death Tragedy

The dead contestant on Big Brother has now been removed from the house after Channel Four suspended coverage for half an hour this morning to allow police to remove the body that had laid in his bed for three days.

A spokesman for Big Brother told this news paper: "A death on the show is a tragedy but the contestants know what they are getting themselves in for when they come into the house. Nobody could have foreseen the death of legend Michael Jackson. We will be paying our own special tribute to the fallen contestant in a typically Big Brother way: There will be no eviction this week and extra alcohol for everyone."

As the tragedy unfolded both women and men got their tits out in the pool. Phwor... The heatwave could continue until October, according to estate agents.

30 June