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Afghanistan Helicoptergate 16th July 2009

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Helicopter Hell

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Treehuggian (Spoof of The Guardian)

Helicoptergate: Tories Showed Taliban Detailed Blueprints For British Helicopters In 1996

HelicopterHelicopter- gate Latest: The Taliban studied the uncensored blueprints of all British helicopters in 1996 at a helicopter showroom in the Midlands, emails just discovered show.

Taliban elders secretly came to the country to buy the aircraft as part of their war on Russia.

An expert told this newspaper: "If the Taliban can remember what they were shown then our helicopters will be useless. We might as well push them off bridges."

This could explain why the MoD is reluctant to send British helicopters to the region.

The Tory government, in power in 1996, were responsible for selling the helicopters to the Taliban, today our mortal enemy and responsible for the deaths of hundreds.

Gordon Brown winked at us when we smiled at him last night.

16 July

 
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Helicopter Where Art Thou?

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Daily Armstretchograph (Spoof of Daily Telegraph)
Helicoptergate: MoD Bought 15 Helicopters For Delivery To Taliban

Old plane

Helicoptergate worsened by a magnitude of over 7 today after it was revealed that 15 helicopters needed by British troops in Afghanistan were in fact sent to the Taliban who bought them in 1996.

Gordon Brown, still the Prime Minister, vowed to use all the laws of contract available to his government to get the helicopters back.

The order for the helicopters was placed in 1996 by the Taliban as part of the Taliban's war on Russia.

16 July
 

Helicopter High

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FT (spoof of the Financial Times)
'Helicopter Futures' Rocket On News British Government In Market

HelicopterThe Helicopter futures market raced ahead to an all time high this afternoon after a clerk from the MoD came back from lunch early and decided to place an order after all.

The phone call came at 3:05 that the government is to buy 15 of them, we have learned.

The futures price rose sharply to 15,670 before falling back to 15,669 in late trading. The last time it got this high was during the Westland crisis in 1986. Two resigned, all of them British.

16 July