FREE
PICTURE OF A PARSNIP FOR EVERY READER INSIDE TODAY
Hero Parsnip Saved My Eye Sight, Says Madrid TV Chef Dimitri
It may only be the common or garden parsnip, but it could just have saved the life of Madrid TV's Channel 7 chef Dimitri Dimitrious.
He takes up the story:
"I was frying a mixture of parsnips, carrot and greenbait when a sharp piece of carrot jumped out of the frying pan and lodged into my eye. I was wrenching about in agony and all of a sudden, and quite by chance, a helpful piece of parsnip jumped out into my eye and fought off the carrot and restored my eyesight."
"If I had not been cooking parsnips today I would be looking at you with one good eye, and one eye with a piece of carrot sticking out of it. Thank goodness for parsnips they saved my career."
Have you had a vegetable save your life?
Please let us know and if tomorrow is another slow news day we will print the best ones. Katie Price and Peter Andre need not apply.
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Parsnips may be the modern chef's choice for a tasty stew, but could they actually offer the prospects for a cancer cure?
Is the everyday parsnip, a chewy and mushy vegetable treat, about to get it's day in the limelight and cure mankind's cancer curse?
A parsnip is a bit like a carrot but tastes all different and stuff.
The largest ever parsnip recorded weighed over 40 stones and was called Colin.
Today we could be on the verge of a cancer cure the likes we have never seen before.
Our expert in medical stuff told us:
"It's probably too soon for a parsnip cancer cure. But there's always hope."
So the answer to the headline is no.
Chewy Parsnip
FREE
PARSNIP PETE POSTER
FOR EVERY READER
Free Parsnip For Every Reader Inside Today
The Doolally Mirror goes one step further than any other newspaper today and is giving away a free parsnip in every copy.
This revolutionary vegetable giveaway is set to change the media and vegetable market as we know it.
Parsnips are like carrots in that they are long and end in a pointy bit.
But they don't taste like carrots at all, they taste like parsnips.
Parsnips can be eaten whole or chopped up into smaller bits and boiled or fried. They can even be put on the bedside cabinet for your friends to admire.
Chefs are taught how to cook parsnips and they are generally served on a plate with other vegetables, or in a soup.
It may only be the common or garden parsnip, but it could just have saved the life of Madrid TV's Channel 7 chef Dimitri Dimitrious. 
