Calls For Derren Brown To Resign Following Lottery Explanation 'Insult'

Derren Brown desperately claimed he worked out the lottery result last Wednesday by asking a group of members of the public to pool their thoughts to come up with the lottery result.

But this has been described as the explanation of a desperate beardy man, and was thought to be so insulting to viewers that the National Health Service had to send out ambulance crews to street corners as fears of a national brain hemorrhage pandemic grew by 9:30.

"Luckily the nation's brains didn't explode, but it was a close run thing and we are not out of the woods until next Friday as people could still watch the explanation again on Channel 4 on demand," said someone.

One media insider told this newspaper: "Brown has bitten off more than he can chew this time. The Lottery stunt was interesting, the explanation was a whole bowlful of wrong."

Derren Brown is thought to be fighting to keep his job as meetings at Channel Four continued late into the night over the weekend. Brown's explanation of how he supposedly correctly calculated the lottery results on Wednesday was described as 'phooey', 'pathetic codswollop' and 'like a plot line on Emmerdale'.

"If Channel Four is dumbing down like this then they might as well merge with Channel 5 after all," said an angry illusionist from Toxteth.

TV's Derren Must Explain His Explanation

Can Derren Brown predict the lottery or is he just a charlatan with a fashionable beard?

That was the question on the lips of viewers who saw his explanation of how he supposedly came up with the national lottery numbers on last Wednesday's draw.

"The chances of him correctly predicting the right set of numbers regardless of how he calculated it before the draw is 14 million to 1. There is no legal system that reduces these odds, and the explanation he gave on his Friday show would simply not work and was an insult to his viewers," said a man on the street with a GCSE in maths.

Oh Gawd heck as much.

Brown did not predict the national lottery results, it was a trick. Nobody saw the numbers before the draw, and it would have been relatively straightforward to get the right numbers on the balls in the Derren Brown studio either using some kind of LED/liquid ink display on the balls, or possibly a simple camera trick such as a split screen enabling someone to add in the numbers hidden to viewers before Brown walked back to the balls on the stand to reveal them.

Damn and blast it all.

Derren Brown has made our blood boil on more than one occasion before. He once made our kettle disappear forcing us to go without our tea break for thirty whole minutes. He must be stopped before he does something serious.

Derren Deep In The Brown Stuff