Posties Aim To Disrupt Internet Today

The Blue Boobs has uncovered a plot by unhappy posties to disrupt the internet by burning sacks of undelivered mail near telephone exchanges, today, or tomorrow.

Undelivered mail will be set alight at strategic internet hubs across the country in an attempt to make the internet go all wrong.

An expert in internet technology considered the success of this controversial move:

"The internet was originally designed to withstand a nuclear strike, but nobody considered angry posties burning sacks of mail nearby. This might just work."

Royal Mail delivers 75 million items of mail a day, down from 84 million items a day ten years ago as people prefer to send an email rather than go to the Post Office, stand in a queue for up to thirty minutes to buy a stamp, stick it on the envelope, some smart ass looks over their should and says that envelope is a large size one and that stamp you bought is for a smaller envelope, so they stand in the queue again to buy another stamp and then lick the self adhesive stamp which then doesn't stick so they have to dry the stamp, get some glue to fasten it and then post it through the correct hole in the wall even though posties sort them again in a room at the back.

Union Warns: Each Time You Click On The Internet, A Postie Dies

The Communication Workers Union controversially called for the end to the internet today in an increasingly bitter postal strike in which three delivery days have now been lost forever.

A new advertising campaign, which blames the internet for the death of posties across the nation, is to be screened in the break in Coronation Street tonight. ITV's share price rocket up 0.1p on the news.

Even the Queen is said to be getting restless at the lack of a resolution in the dispute and is considering removing her name from the company.

It is believed that were the Queen to get really pissy, the Royal Mail might have to be renamed The Mail, which might lead to confusion at The Mail, an extremist right wing newspaper.

Thankfully, the Conservative Party has said it would privatise the Royal Mail if they win the next election. However, as the Royal Mail still owns the contract to deliver all election literature, it is unlikely that any Conservative Party leaflets will get through. Which is just bloody perfect. Pha!