Jordan Crisis
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Katie Price: "I've Proved My Knockers Wrong"
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Katie Price left the jungle today claiming that she had proved her knockers wrong.
"They said I wasn't genuine, but I've proved that I am all me," said the glamour model.
Price, who still has a big chest, refused to do the seventh jungle test in as many days and left the camp all-of-a-sudden.
"My chest is out, my chin is up, I have nothing to be ashamed of."
It is claimed that Katie Price got £350,000 for entering the jungle. ITV's share price rocketed 0.25p shortly after the news of her self-ejection was announced on hopes that the fee won't have to be paid after all.
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The Price Is Jedward
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Katie Should Now Listen To Her Knockers, Following Jungle Humbling
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I'm A Celeb Update: Katie Price had endured seven jungle tests in as many days because the telephoning public wanted to see her suffer. But it all proved too much for the glamour model, as her leaving the jungle proved, earlier today.
But is it just us, or wasn't this all so easily foreseeable?
Katie - who had memorably met six-packeted Peter Andre in the very same jungle last time before they got married and got their own reality show - had only agreed to go back in after an emergency £350,000 fee was paid into her bank account.
But whilst this sounds like a lot of money for just three weeks work, it isn't all that much at all if grubs are made to crawl all over you and gunge that smells of urine goes up your nose and in your clothes and hair, and then that really bossy woman off that cleaning show on bloody Channel 4 tells you off for smelling like urine afterwards.
Peter Andrews, the closest name we could find at such short notice to Peter Andre, told this newspaper:
"I think Jordan has a large pair of jugs."
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Jedward / Price
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Katie Boobs With Early Exit
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Katie Price had, only days earlier, defended her decision to accept a £350,000 fee for going into the jungle, but now she has to defend herself all over again for something different.
Her early exit might now bankrupt the glamourpuss if her advanced fee has to be repaid at loan shark rates of interest, according to media lawyers at shITV.
This could mean that the glamour model will have to pay over £3mn worth of interest for her seven day stay in the jungle if exit conditions that said she would have to pay this were in the contract that she signed.
Her early exit also scuppers plans to do a 3D version of the show with special spectacles being given away in a national newspaper on Friday for Saturday's eviction special.
A spokesman for the producers told this newspaper: "The only way to really appreciate Katie Price is in 3D, but it just wasn't to be."
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