Will The Last Banker To Leave The Country Please Let The Door Smack Them In The Rear

Bankers will leave the country if the government imposes a spiteful tax on them, that's according to a leading PR spokesman for the extremist group Bankers With Bonuses, last night.

"I will leave the country and go and work in another country if the government imposes a penal tax," said a 19 year old banker down the pub, last night. "Bonuses are given me if I do my specialist job like they showed me to. It's like if Beckham is given a bonus if he scores more than 10 goals a season. I'm like Beckham I am. Whoohey On me head. Sorted."

According to a banking employment agency with loans on favorable terms from the big banks, bankers who got a bonus this year will be easy to employ and could go to any country in the world, even countries using a different language, and still be brilliant at what they do.

Banks, most of them Scottish, lost billions of pounds and needed £870bn of British tax payers money to stay alive.

Meanwhile, pressure is growing in England for Scotland to get independence from them as soon as possible so that it can take the Royal Bank of Scotland and Bank of Scotland back home with them.

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FREE 'JOE TO WIN X FACTOR' POSTERS FOR EVERY READER

Bankers Should Be Taxed Until They Cry

Oh Gawd.

OH GAWD.

OH BLEEDIN, GAAAAWD, THRICE TIMES!!!

If I have to hear one more bleeding heart banker squealing that they haven't got enough money for Christmas presents because their blinkin' bonus isn't as big as they though it would be, that will really be it this time.

We have been listening to these so called bankers come on the telly and complain once too often, now it is time for them to pay up or leave the country permanently.

Ouch!

Let them see how big a bonus they could make working for a back street bank in Zimbabwe.

Oooh ahhh!

Bankers may end up so poor they can't afford to buy any presents for their loved ones. So what? Buy them a smaller yacht why dont'cha?

Grrrrrrr!

FREE GORDON BROWN IS AN ARSE CAMPAIGN POSTER INSIDE TODAY

**Our 'Riot Against The Bankers'* Campaign Starts Today**

Today we start our Riot Against The Bankers campaign in which we call on everyone who has been affected by the banking crisis (and the subsequent government cost cutting caused by the need to use our tax money to rescue the banks) to take it all out on the banks on the high street with their fists and flowerpots, or old cars, canned goods or fishes.

*In view of the fact that this campaign might be deemed to be illegal by those stuffy old courts we reserve the right to stop the campaign before we publish the next newspaper tomorrow.

We have been unable to contact our lawyers to ask them if it is legal to encourage our readers to take the law into their own hands like this before publication time today. (Our owner is shouting at us again and we just want to go home - we've had enough.)

Those urged to riot include anyone who has a bank savings account earning under the rate of inflation, anyone who ever bought an income guarantee policy or anyone charged bank charges for going over their agreed overdraft limit if even for 1p for three seconds.

LEGAL NOTE: Just in case our campaign is latterly judged to be illegal then our apology will appear on the front page of tomorrow's paper.

Readers are also urged to burn down the Daily Mail, The Times, The Sun and the Daily Mirror too if they run out of banks to attack...

Hurrah!