Cut Controversy
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GALLERY OF POLITICIANS KISSING BABIES SINCE 1865 FOR EVERY READER INSIDE TODAY |
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Monster Raving Loony Party Is The Only Party Not Lying About Cuts After Election, Respected Think Tank Opines
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A leading tax think tank said yesterday that all the major parties are lying about their post election cuts.
But some parties were shown to be more honest than others.
One of which, The Monster Raving Loony Party, traditionally one of the stupidest of comedic parties, came out of it all rather well.
A spokesman for the MRLP told The Thun:
"I am not wearing this Moose's head for nothing. This is and always was a loony country and it's time for the loonies to take over the Number Ten asylum. If you want real change, the Loonies are your only choice."
Pressure is now growing on the BBC to persuade David Dimbleby to wear Lord Loony Sutch's old top hat for the leaders debate on Thursday.
A BBC spokesman was too high on drugs to answer our call when we phoned.
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Cut Tut Tut
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MRLP, The Everyone Must Die At 65 Party And The Cushion Party, Only Ones Not To Lie About Post Election Cuts, Says Someone
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Oh gawd.
Is there much more of this bleedin' election left?
And now they tell us that all the big parties are lying about the cuts needed after the election.
Is this what it's all come to?
Sigh.
The Monster Raving Loony's dead leader Lord Sutch is looking down on us today and laughing at us all.
It looks like he was right all along.
Today the Daily Moan formally comes out for the Monster Raving Loony Party.
Vote for the party who tells it all like it is.
Vote Loony.
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Electionsibation
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PICTURE OF KERRY KATONA FOR EVERY READER INSIDE TODAY |
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Why Putting A Cross And Not A Smiley Face In Box Could Be Deciding Factor In Election |
Readers of The Daily Excrement, the world's best newspaper, have been urged to put a cross in the box on the ballot paper on election day, and not a smiley face like wot we've been telling you to do for years.
This oversight, which began in 1996, has only just been discovered. It may have cost the Tories valuable votes as they haven't been in power since then.
Putting smiley faces in the box could mean that the ballot is spoiled and doesn't count, according to election experts.
This disgraceful conspiracy to not allow smiley faces on the ballot paper has only come to light recently because hardly anyone reads The Daily Excrement any more.
We used to be bigger than the Daily Moan, bastards.
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