"It Might Be So Bad That We've Got To Ignore All The Promises We Made In The Election," Warns More Worried Looking Than Usual George Osborne

Speaking outside the Treasury today, Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne said:

"After looking into the nation's finances for just a couple of days, it is becoming increasingly clear that we may have to completely throw away our manifesto and start from scratch again."

"It had been our intention to only cut £6bn this year, but it might turn out that this is impossible given what we have found, and that it will have to be £60bn instead."

"This is a regrettable outcome and if there were any way we could avoid this be assured that we would, but it shows how stupid and useless the last lot were."

"Whilst it is a difficult decision to make, I feel that it is better to make the difficult drastic decision to amputate the country's leg now because leaving it any later might mean we have to amputate the other leg at a later date."

"But even amputating one leg now has its drawbacks as we can no longer afford to pay incapacity benefit."

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Did You Know: A small-print clause in the Con Dem coalition agreement says that David Cameron must say Boris Johnson is a tit once a year on the 7th of June?

"I've Eaten All The Biscuits," John Prescott Leaves Note To Incoming Deputy Prime Minister

Nick Clegg has found a note from his predecessor and last Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott, in which he said there were no biscuits left because he had eaten them all.

This is just bloody typical.

This shows what an arrogant biscuit munching bunch the Labour Party were all through the last 13 years.

And when they left they didn't even leave a single Ginger Crunch Cream for the leader of the LibDims.

Bloody typical.