Franz Beckenbauer Mostly Criticised For England 'Kick And Rush' Jibe

Some England supporters have questioned Franz Beckenbauer's comments in which he claimed their team's style of football was all "kick and rush" in bars here in South Africa, early yesterday morning.

Whilst many extremely drunk supporters accepted that England's game was about 65% kick and rush, it also included:

Flop and scramble 4%

Kick and stop 3.2%

Rush and hop 3.1%

Swerve and bend 3.0%

Hop, skip and jump 2.7%

Kick and swear 2.7%

Run and punch 2.6%

Scratch crotch and point 2.6%

Pick nose and wipe it on shorts 2.5%

ITV 'Only Seconds Away From All Vuvuzela Commentary' During England vs USA Match, Secret Document Shows

ITV, still reeling from ITV HD's accidental running of a commercial during England's goal against the USA on Saturday (here), were embarrassed once again today after documents showing that wires connecting their commentary team to the broadcastygrid almost burst into flames at about the same time.

Had the wires burned through it would have disconnected the commentators and all that would be heard in homes across the country would have been the vuvuzela's which dominated the crowd noise.

In a flash poll, 85% said that it would have been an improvement.

ITV's share price crashed up 5p on the news.

The fire was successfully put out with a fire extinguisher with the letters bp on it. (bp was once a British company.)

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