Big Society: "Miss Marple-isation Of Police Force Is My Dream," Says Cameron

The Prime Minister, David Cameron, relaunched his Big Society project today with plans to empower local people to solve local problems as volunteers.

Using Miss Marple, the fictitious Agatha Christie character as an example of how local people can really make a difference without being paid to do anything, he said:

"Look at what Miss Marple achieved: She didn't need whole garages filled with police cars, she had a bicycle. If Miss Marple needed to apprehend a local ruffian she got the help of the local farmer she didn't need all of these expensively trained and expensively equipped police officers to do the same job. And she got the job done without any interference from government. That's the Big Society in action right there."

Claiming that only 10 Miss Marple's are needed to do the job of an entire constabulary, the prime minister called upon elderly ladies with bicycles across the country to get in touch 'without delay'.

"I Want A Miss Marple In Every Village To Fight Crime," Says Cameron

David Cameron called for all late middle-aged ladies with grey hair in buns to come forward to help solve local crime when all the police get the sack next year.

The initiative, the prime minister claimed, will save substantial public resources but will maintain crime solving rates at current levels.

"I have never seen Miss Marple fail, and that should inspire the country to go out there and do what needs to be done to rid the country of naughty people," said the Prime Minister.

He continued:

"Think of all the savings that can be made: police cars replaced with bicycles, noisy sirens with dingy bicycle bells, we can even do away with expensive police stations because Miss Marple only needed her sitting room or study to interrogate her suspects.

It's time for the country to start thinking up new ways of doing the old things and if we in Whitehall can chip in a quid or two just let me know. My name is Dave, by the way, nice to meet you."

"Miss Marple Can Be Paid with Cups Of Tea," Predicts Eager Prime Minister

A police force replaced by up to 10 Miss Marple's in every town, paid for with cups of tea and Hob Nobs, was the rallying call from Prime Minister David Cameron today as he revealed his Big Society aims.

"You know, when I go around the country it is simply amazing how much some of these places look like villages in the Agatha Christie or Enid Blyton novels of my youth.

And this made me think. You know, Dave I said, you don't need vast amounts of public money to do stuff in pretty picture perfect places like these. All you need is the ingenuity of the British, the Dunkirk spirit and you can do anything.

Pip pip!"