Army Announces Closing Down Sale

Just a day after the Hope For Heroes concert, the MOD has announced a closing down sale, starting with troops stationed in Afghanistan.

An Ebay site is to be set up on which army things are to be sold.

Tanks will start at £500 with no reserve, it is said.

Critics of the scheme say that there is nothing to stop the Taliban from putting in an offer for the items being sold. But this is thought to be unlikely because the Taliban live in caves, can't speak any English and poo standing up.

David 'chopper' Cameron and Nick 'straight in the nuts' Clegg were unavailable for comment when we hacked into their mobile phones earlier today.

Bank Of England Sends Exactly The Same Letter To Treasury They Did Four Months Ago

What is being described as a 'mistake of historic proportions', the Bank of England today apologized for accidentally sending a copy of the letter apologizing for inflation being over the 2% target for a second time.

The letter sent in September was in fact the exact same one that had been sent in May.

This is the latest sign yet that the Bank of England has lost control of it's letter writing powers.

Inflation has been over the target set by the treasury of 2% for the last six months, but still interest rates remain at historically low levels saving the banks whatever is the word bigger than trillions.

George Michael Will Have A Great Time In Jail, Says Stout Lifer

George Michael has been sentenced to eight weeks in jail for his part in a single man unconscious Snappy Snaps ram raiding operation earlier in the year.

But Michael, 46, will have a great time in jail with fellow inmates encouraging him to sing, play instruments and have violent sex with them.

The singer has asked to take a harmonica in with him, according to... no we just made that up.