Wills To Marry Next Year

Buckingham Palace have announced the marriage of the second in line to the throne, Prince William, to his long time girlfriend, Kate Middleton, today.

The news was greeted with cheering crowds and 'Gawd bless you ma'ams' all round outside the royal palace.

The wedding will be in July 2011 in St Paul's Cathedral. The actual date has yet to be announced.

Those still in work after the austerity cuts will be given the day off, and benefits will be stopped for the day for those not working in order to save £100mn.

Story embargoed until Buckingham Palace make the announcement.

Official: Prince William To Marry 2011

At long last something to cheer about!

Prince William's marriage to Kate Middleton could not have been timed better, as the country shivers, cowers and cries, under vicious austerity measures introduced by Nick Clegg.

At last, a ray of sunshine with the whole nation singing and dancing in the streets.

The Queen said she was 'overwhelmed' by the news and wished the couple every goodwish.

The wedding was announced in the traditional way of posting the royal circular on the gates of Buckingham Palace, written by the Chief Royal Justice and printed on the royal lazer jet printer made from plastic melted down from one of the official royal quill pens dating back to 1287.

The BBC replaced all their programmes with wall to wall royal coverage from the 5pm announcement, yesterday.

Story embargoed until Buckingham Palace make the announcement.

Palace Announces Royal Wedding

Prince William has finally made an honest woman out of Kate Middleton, his long-term squeeze and now to be his personal princess.

The wedding is to be held in July 2011 at St Paul's Cathedral with choirs from local schools chosen by the royal couple themselves.

Kate Middleton will wear a dress made out of silk made from royal silk worms in India, and the horses that draw the royal carriage will be steeds from lines dating back to Queen Elizabeth the 1st played by Glenda Jackson.

Everyone will get two days off, the actual day and an additional day to allow for the hangover to wear off.

Both prime ministers will attend along with their wives and will be photographed until the tooth enamel on their shining smiles are dimmed to a light yellow.

Embargoed until Buckingham Palace make the announcement.