Clegg Beg
WHAT THE US GOVERNMENT THINKS ABOUT YOU - PERSONALISED WIKILEAK FOR EVERY READER INSIDE TODAY
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It's OK To Egg Clegg Says Constitutional Expert
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A little known bylaw in five wards of Nick Clegg's Sheffield Hallam constituency allows for the MP to be pelted by eggs and tomatoes if they say something before a parliamentary election and then change their minds within 12 months of getting into power.
The little known bylaw in Crookes, Dore and Totley, Ecclesall, Fulwood and Stannington wards came to light in a wikileaks leak last week.
Nick Clegg, 42, signed a pledge to vote against increasing student fees before the election. But since becoming elected he has changed his mind and will now vote to increase student fees.
Speaking in today's paper the deputy prime minister pleaded:
"Please stop posting poo through my letterbox."
Bookies have raised Nick Clegg's chances of becoming a contestant on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here to next year, three years earlier than previous estimates.
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Clegg Bot
HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST A SUN READER INSIDE TODAY
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Right Said Clegg: I'm Too Sexy For This Party
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Singing in today's Sunday Moan, Nick Clegg, deputy prime minister, sang:
"I'm too sexy for this party, too sexy for this party no way I'm voting against government policy to increase student fees."
The best time to post poo through his letter box is 3:05am every morning. We have had a collection in the Daily Moan offices too if anyone would like to come and collect it.
Doh!
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Clegg Red
FREE NAME CHECK ON SHITV'S DAYBREAK FOR EVERY READER |
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Students: Tips How To Post Poo Through Nick Clegg's Letter Box
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Readers have written in asking for our tips how to post dog poo through the deputy prime minister's letter box.
A number of you have been making the rookie mistake of lifting the dog's bottom to the letter box and then shouting "poo". This only works about one time in a thousand and most probably you will direct the dog's bottom wrongly or it urinates at you while you are holding it.
The best way is to pick up the doggie do when it normally comes out, maybe during a walk, and then put it in a sealed plastic bag and then at a later date, probably best to do it during the dark hours, open the plastic bag, and push the faeces through Nick Clegg's letter box by turning the plastic bag inside out.
Try not to get any on your fingers because you will smell it for the next month.
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