Snow Balls Up

Thousands of Sun readers were stranded at Heathrow airport last night on their way to overseas holidays and lots of bonking.

Pert bubbly Shaylee, 19, told The Boobs: "Every day here at Heathrow is a day not bonking. I'm going mad out of my mind."

Up for it Shaylee and her girlfriends, Braylo, Jeelar and Waffle, adjusted their boobtubes underneath five layers of clothing while she talked to us.

Horny builders Jace, Kerten and Jared all said "Phwore" as they tried to move the seating closer together so they could lie on it like a bed.

Are We Doomed To A White Christmas?

Oh gawd.

White bleeding snow on the feckin ground for a whole week now?

Oxford

Bing Crosby still dead after thirty years (do radio stations still have to pay to play that bleedin song any more?)

How has it come to all this?

This cold white stuff has got everywhere. Just like on the blubbin Christmas cards.

Cambridge

And is it me or is it feckin cold too?

Not like the Christmases of the past.

The next person to start singing the White Christmas song is going to get pelted with rolled up soaked copies of today's Daily Mail.

Staines

Geeesus Christmas.

Winter Woeland

Travelers are being urged to get 'complete clarity' that their plane is going to take off or face being arrested by terrorist police when they get to the airport.

That was the warning from authorities at Heathrow last night after two days of mayhem and madness.

In other developments: Legal experts told the Daily Stir that travelers at Heathrow who refuse to move from their sleeping positions could be prosecuted under vagrancy laws if they even as much as raise their eyebrows when asked to move by community officers.