News Of The Day, 12th June 2011

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Slut Ruck


Daily Moan (Spoof of Daily Mail)

Slut Walkers 'Rapped'

Slut walkers, some wearing provocative brassieres only 2 levels below nude on the Lady Gaga scale, were bitterly criticized by topless female walkers last night in one of the most erotic stand offs in recent tabloid history.

Topless walkers criticize slut walkers for wearing clothes on their top half and claim their refusal to walk topless, which is illegal for females in most county's, but not for men even if they have boobies the same size as some women, undermines their cause.

"It's time slut walkers whipped off their tops. The last time brassieres were considered controversial was on 6th August 1952," a student of female anatomy history told this newspaper. "What the movement needs is a topless Rosa Parks."

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Brucie Bonus


Daily Stir (spoof of the Daily Star)

Sir Bruce Arise You, Arise You Get Nothing For A Pair Not In This Game

A trainee headline writer put in charge of our Bruce Forsythe knighthood coverage resigned last night when the choice of headlines became too great for him.

Headline Overload is a recognized condition and up to ten journalists leave the profession every year because of it.

Deciding on the headline, above, before he ran from the building, his computer notepad also showed he was playing with other options:

Bruce To See You, To See You Knight

Bruce To See Queen, To See Queen Nice

Sir Brucie's Bonus

Sir Bruce: Give Us A Twirl!


Letters Latest


The Thun (spoof of The Times)

Letters To The Editor

Dear Mate,

Once again Australian superstar Skippy was not on the Queen's honors list. This is a disgrace, he deserves at least a knighthood - he is a much better tap dancer than Bruce Forsythe ever was.

Yours, Sheila Sydney

Dear Sir,

I have just finished watching Human Centipede 2 and can honestly say I cannot see what all the fuss is about. The sensitive lighting and pinging human ejaculate swishing across the screen were an eye opening revelation.

Yours, Shemus Broccoli, 14

Dear Sir,

I have been teaching my parrot, Arthur, to talk for the last five years and it annoys me that he still cannot say Bottle Of Beer, insisting on Gottle Of Gear. Does anyone know of a delicious parrot recipe? His number is finally up.

Yours, Mary Mable

Dear Sirs,

It is with increasing frustration that I have to report that the bad language after the watershed is lackluster at best, mediocre at worst. I counted only one 'fuck' on Tuesday night, no 'cunt', only three 'wankers' and five 'shits'. I remember when British television was regarded as the best in the world. They must try harder.

Yours, Frank Fuycker