George Osborne "I Cry Watching The Killing"

Tough chancellor of the exchequer, George Gideon Oliver Osborne, let his defences slip today when he admitted to crying hysterically at The Killing, the critically acclaimed gritty Danish murder mystery.

Denne dame er ikke til drejning.

"I'm watching the box set which cost me £45.99 from HMV, a great British institution," said the chancellor.

Du vender dig, hvis du vil

"But I've only just started watching it so please don't tell me who the murderer is in Danish in the caption below," he continued.

Faderens bedste ven gjorde det

Also in today's paper:

34 Year Old Benefits Claimant, Father Of 18, Asks NHS For Viagra

Has Nigella Lawson Put Enough Nuts In Her Trifle This Year? Jan Moir Answers Your Seasonal Celebrity Food Questions

Katie Price And Peter Andre Reunite On Twitter in Emotional 140 Character Sonnet

'You Shut Your Face': How Frankie Howard's Catch Phrase Hid A Deeply Unsuccessful Gay Sex Life

Jimmy Carr In Vile Joke About Sun Newspaper Journalists

Stand up comic Jimmy Carr, 5ft 8in, has defended telling jokes about Sun journalists saying 'I would tell the same joke again even if I had a book coming out.'

CARR CRASH

Carr, size 10 right foot - 10 and a half left foot, has drawn criticism for his joke which drew gasps from the Sun newsroom.

BAD TASTE

"How many Sun journalists does it take to hack a light bulb?"

WALLOP

"Hacking at the Sun has not been proven and were it to be proved a lot of journalists would be unemployed if the paper is closed, is that what Jimmy Carr really wants?" asked a potentially unemployable hack.

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

I see that George Osborne is watching The Killing season 1. What an excellent choice. The butler did it, George. Now, as for season two, now showing on the disgraceful BBC 4, my money is still on the sinister looking muscly gardener, Cuthbert.

Yours, Agatha Christie-Poodle

Dear Sir,

Drat this new fangled technology thang. Imagine my embarrassment when I accidentally got LOL and LMFAO mixed up the other day. My 6 year old daughter was shocked with my profanity and told me off. Such is my want.

Yours, Sir Jarvis Michaelangelo-Smith

Dear Sir,

I lament the state to which English Rugby has fallen over the last few months. Perhaps it is time to employ an Italian born manager who can't speak any English at all but looks like Marlon Brando in The Godfather?

Yours, Michael Matts