Queen Will Still Thank Jeremy Clarkson In Christmas Broadcast In Spite Of Fears Details Of Speech Had Been Leaked

The Queen is to thank Jeremy Clarkson for his work in public broadcasting in this year's Christmas message, citing the millions of pounds profit he helps make for the BBC every year.

A spokesman for Buckingham Palace told The Moan: "Jeremy Clarkson is a great public servant who helps public broadcasting immeasurably."

The Queen's comments, which last 2 seconds in a broadcast lasting 4 minutes 30 seconds, were on the brink of being taken out of the broadcast when a Royal Official discovered that Clarkson, 56, had said something very similar on some television show last week.

Rattled Royal Officials investigated if quotes from the Queen's Christmas broadcast had been leaked and had been spoken live on television by Mr Clarkson, married three times.

After an investigation into the incident officials found that Clarkson had not technically breached any secrecy protocols and that the Christmas Day broadcast can go ahead as planned.

Clarkson, 7ft 8in, reportedly earns £1.2mn a year from his contract with the BBC, a publicly funded broadcaster.

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Public Sector Striker To Buy Jeremy Clarkson DVD For Christmas In Spite Of Death Threats

Amy Wildernicker, 27, a local authority worker who went out on strike last week, says she still plans to buy a Jeremy Clarkson DVD as a present this year, in spite of his death threats.

"I don't like him myself but my father does and I can't think of anything else to buy him. I'll probably buy him some pants and some socks but the Clarkson DVD will bring up the money."

"Giving a Jeremy Clarkson DVD for Christmas has been something I have done before and my father, 62, didn't seem to mind - I like DVDs they are nice and easy to wrap up and you can get them for only a few pennies if you buy them second hand from one of the traders on Amazon."

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Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

I am a great supporter of Jeremy Clarkson, the BBC's outspoken hunting correspondent. His programme Top Shot is one of my favourites.

Yours, Micke Merrymas

Dear Sir,

I was all set up on my BBC micro computer I bought in 1986 to do some Christmas shopping but to my chagrin I cannot find the Amazon programme thingummy they are all talking about. Has it closed down already? Such a shame if computer retailers are going the same way of the High Street.

Yours, Sir Jimmy Hailmary

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your excellent investigation into the denture scandal of 1956 in which unlicensed dentists pulled out unsuspecting peoples teeth and sold them off at a profit, and replaced them with ill fitting dentures. I will use my £250,000 settlement cheque to get my teeth corrected if only I can find a dentist who will do it for the money.

Yours, Mary Mister