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Andrew Marr, Conference Season Continues, Letters 30th September 2012

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BBC Conspiracy

READER OFFER: GET A COPY OF ANDREW MARR'S ORIGINAL BOOK OF THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD BEFORE THE BBC HAVE TO WITHDRAW IT AND PULP IT LIKE THEY HAD TO WITH HIS FIRST EDITION OF A HISTORY OF MODERN BRITAIN

Daily Armstretchograph

BBC Cover Up Shock: Andrew Marr's Super Injunction Omitted From History Of World Series

The BBC were accused of trying to cover up one of the biggest scandals in British journalism history today after it was revealed that Andrew Marr's super injunction isn't even mentioned in his latest history of the world documentary series that started on Sunday.

The first episode had the one time super injunction posting presenter even claiming that a woman, who's name they refused to disclose, was genetically linked to everyone outside of Sub-Saharan Africa.

We understand the woman's name was Brenda.

"If the BBC is prepared to withhold the name of the mother of everyone outside Sub-Saharan Africa you have to wonder how accurate this documentary series is going to be", said an editor of this paper.

"Now we learn that it doesn't even mention Andrew Marr's super injunction, and the pieces are falling into place suggesting that this expensive looking documentary series is just another corporation white wash", the same editor continued.

Apology: In an earlier letters section we humorously used the name Sir Jimmy Saville as a name for a comedy letter. We now accept this was wholly inappropriate.

Sweary Party

FREE ALL EXPENSES PAID NIGHT OUT IN THE WELSH VALLEYS, JOINT MTV PROMOTION

Daily Moan

Sweary Party Conference Begins

Birmingham: The Sweary Party's annual conference opened this afternoon with the traditionally colourful opening address from the leader of the party Jeremy F***over.

Due to the excessive swearing, The Sweary Party's conference is banned from being televised live before the watershed.

Their policies are thought to be unexplainable without the words they use in a family newspaper like this one. For this reason their policies are rarely reported.

We managed to catch up with Jeremy F***over in the back of a taxi this morning:

Daily Moan: You look exactly like that 30 year old teacher who took that 15 year old student to France last week. What have you got to say about that?

F***over: "Are you calling me a %&**** **** ***ophile? **** **** ££%^7 &%^%? **** Daily Moan *****"

Daily Moan: Your policy of having swearing on television before the watershed is perhaps your most controversial. The BBC, ITV and Sky have already said they will never allow **** or **** before 9pm - you really need them to support this don't you?

F***over: "**** the ****** BBC *** ** **** ?*&$% privatised ***** (((*&^^$*("

Daily Moan: I'm going to have to stop you there. You say ***** (((*&^^$*( . But, surely, Nick Clegg has already **** up the **** &&&&, and it didn't work did it?

F***over: "This **** Party is going to **** the **** !!!$$%%%!!! **** Nick *** Clegg, the *&$^&*"

Daily Moan: What is your policy on the NHS? Surely renaming all the administrators as **nts is doomed to failure?:

F***over: "**** **** ** NHS %^& *%^£$^ £%"£$% "£%$%%% £3billion a year"

-*-*-*-

We have been asked to point out that The Sweary Party is not connected in any way to Andrew Mitchell's Conservative Party who's conference is next week.

Also in today's paper:

Andrew Mitchell, still chief whip, to appear with Gordon Ramsay In Celebrity Chef Christmas Special

Labour Conference: Countdown begins to Ed Miliband's first all family Hello! Special

T-Shirt: I'm Still Nuts About Dave Cameron

 

Letters Sausage

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The Thun (The Times)

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

What is the point of giving us a day off work for a General Strike and then they make us turn up, write a placard, and then march through the towns of this country? Why not have a national duvet day and we could all watch it on television?

Yours, Barry Balloon

Dear Sir,

Cameron, Miliband and Clegg: if they were a firm of solicitors would you use them? Well, I personally would not.

Yours, Buck Rogers

Dear Sir,

Is anyone going to make that Andrew Mitchell chappie resign? Has someone finally stopped The Sun from it's bullying ways? If the chief whip is still in his job by the end of the month I suggest we all have a good old f-off at the police in a sort of national party. They can't arrest all of us, but if we say we did it because the chief whip did it first maybe he will finally get arrested for causing a riot? Worth a shot.

Yours, Penny Anarchist

Dear Sir,

I must complain at MTV's new reality show The Valleys which claimed to be set in Wales but I don't remember seeing a single fit sheep in the first episode on Tuesday. If this is the best they can do I just hope the general toplessness of the cast will compensate.

Yours, Maurice Devalier