The Pope's butler has been convicted in real life and not just, once again, in the Papal version of Cluedo, yesterday.
Experts had predicted that Reverend Green had done it in the kitchen with the lead piping.
But it turned out to be the butler in the Pope's office with the letter opener.
Apology: In a series of articles over the last year we have discovered that we have been making extremely libelous and slanderous comments about a number of what turned out to be extremely litigious people. We regret to inform present and future litigants that we have now run out of money so suing us isn't going to make any difference.
Correction: In an earlier article we quoted Andrew Mitchell, chief whip, as saying: "Get on your ***king bike and look for work." We have been assured that he made no such statement.