The government sought to clarify it's Barbeque a Burglar policy today.
In an exclusive interview with the Armstretchograph, a spokesman for the Justice Department sought to clarify the government's position:
"It is perfectly OK to throw a burglar onto a barbeque if you are cooking on it at the time of the burglary if it is a natural self defence instinct to do so.
But it is not acceptable to incapacitate a burglar, get the barbeque out, light it, get it nice and red hot, then throw the burglar on to it.
This is not a charter to barbeque a burglar, per se.
All we are saying is that, if you are barbecuing when a burglar comes round, if you were to throw him on the barbeque then you shouldn't be arrested for it.
(It might be a good idea to throw a couple of sausages on the barbeque so the police don't think you lit the barbeque just to fry the burglar on. Maybe fix some salad too. And you will need to think up an excuse if you need to throw the burglar on the barbeque at 4 in the morning, and, of course, then get everyone else in the house straight about the story they are going to tell the police and you should be OK.)"
Apology: In an earlier article entitled: Andrew Mitchell Wants You To F**k Off Too, we have been asked to confirm that Andrew Mitchell did at no time call you a pleb.
Correction: It has come to our attention that an earlier correction to an article published in February 2011 about former national treasure Jimmy Savile now needs to be corrected. Our earlier correction corrected the claim that Savile was a disgusting peadophile who looked like a knob in his gold shell suit. We are now happy to correct the correction and that we were right all along.