Television experts have reported a surge in the number of Christmas specials based on the Scrooge story this year, beating It's A Wonderful Life for the first time.
Christmas viewers are widely believed to be the most gullible, with tat often passed off with the term special and Christmas in the title to disguise what is essentially a repeat.
Most viewers are believed to be so drunk between the hours of 8-11pm on Christmas Day that broadcasters can often just change scripts to out of copyright classics, such as A Christmas Carol, and save a fortune on paying scriptwriters, many of whom are desperate for money this time of the year.
A spokesman for the Television Scriptwriters Union was too drunk to answer our questions when we called this morning.
In other news: Perry Como's Christmas in Berlin Special has been cancelled again this year as the popular crooner died in 2001.
Also in today's paper:
How I Almost Choked To Death On A Sixpence Put In My Christmas Pud in 1965, But Am Now Determined To Put My Family Through The Ordeal Again This Year
How To Eat A Full Christmas Meal And Still Look As Fit As Daniel Craig Walking Out Of The Ocean In Casino Royale In Only 5 Years Working Out Down The Gym Three Times A Week