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Joey Barton French Accent, Letters 28th November 2012

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Joey le Barton

EXCLUSIVE: WIN YOUR OWN I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE GENUINE JUNGLE LEAF

Dully Mirror

Allo, Moy Nayme Iz, How You Say, Jooey Barrre'ton?

Heello, you Englisch pumpernickles!

Yez, it'z Joooey Barrrreton he'er, spoking Fronch.

Tozday I wuuod lyke to discoose my stylz of playing the footeballe.

Zom people, ze zey, Barton, yous hacking basturd, fook off tio ze changin roomz swinehund!

Sorree, did I lapesd into German then? My apologose.

On une more seriousmant note, someone told moi that Alleeex-xx Fourgourson is French for Alex Ferguson. Are they pullin moi plonkor?

Correction: In an earlier article "It's Time We Had More Hairy Women On The Telly" we made a number of factual errors: the name of TinTin's sidekick was Snowy and not Hairyballs, Madonna never had a waxing during one of her concerts in the 1990s, and it has never been a crime for French women to shave their armpits in a zoo.

French Tart

LEARN THE HEIMLICH MANEAUVER TO STOP YOUR FAMILY CHOKING ON TURKEY THIS CHRISTMAS

The Thun

Learn French The Joey Barton Way

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Did you know that: English is closely related to French and some of the words are just the same but with a funny French accent!

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It may sound just like English with a French accent, but our course will show you how to speak with those funny hat things on top of letters and commas in the air!

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Learn phrases like:

"Do yoou want to fight, mon âme?"

"Comez over here and gettez une slap from this moi!"

and

"Do you serve Englische beer here, mon bartender frère?

Also in today's paper:

John Terry Learns To Speak Nigerian

Charity: England Footballer To Lead 'No Masturbation For A Month In Aid Of Testicular Cancer' Campaign

Letters Bonjour

EXCLUSIVE: TEN THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT SIMON COWELL'S DAILY ABLUTIONS

Daily Moan

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Imagine my delight to discover that I have picked out the terms 'fruity', 'delicious' and 'cordon bleu' as terms in the office Leveson Report sweepstakes.

Yours, Jilly Wataheap

Dear Sir,

Further to your excellent article 'Government To Put 45p Minimum Per Unit On Alcohol To Stop Poor Binge Drinkers'. If they can't afford beer, let them drink Bollinger.

Yours, Marie Antoinette-Miller-Lite

Dear Sir,

Thank you so much for your excellent article on frumpy journalists who work at the Daily Mail. It was an inspiring piece. I was shocked at the amount of home knitted underwear your journalists wear.

Yours, Percy Baptiste.