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Tesco, Snow, Letters 20th January 2013

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Tesco Horse

PICTURE SPECIAL: SEXY TOPLESS STRANDED TRAVELLERS IN SNOW SPECIAL

The Eeeekonomist

Tesco Faces Backlash After Removing 'Yummy' Value Horse Burgers

Tesco's value 'beef' burgers with 29% horse meat in them were heralded as 'the most delicious thing in the Tesco's value range' last night, only days after they had been removed from the supermarket's shelves.

"Every Little Horse"

Preferring the slightly sweeter horse flesh akin to venison, many hard up burger eaters said they will miss the delicious meaty treat.

Whoa Boy!

A Tesco spokesman told The Boobs that had the burgers been labeled as horse burgers they could have sold for £5, instead of the £1 for which they sold, giving customers 'some of the best value of any British supermarket'.

Hi Ho Silver!

But further news that Tesco's haven't a clue what is going into their food was thwarted last night when we received an injunction.

Correction: In an article in our gardening section on Friday we claimed that a new variety of cabbage had been named after the prime minister David Cameron. This, it turns out, was incorrect.

Snowman Hell

INSIDE: HOW TO BUILD AN IGLOO

The Thun

Uproar In Surrey As Man Builds Jimmy Savile Snowman

A snowman with long blond hair, a medallion around his neck and a carrot for his nose was slammed last night as a likeness of the disgraced tv host.

But father of three, Derek Gulliver, 34, defended his grotesque snowman saying "It wasn't Savile it was Max from The Tweenies and I did it for my children."

Perv Derek bleated: "You can't even build a snowman without being politically correct these days. If I was Quentin Tarantino I could have gotten away with it."

Max - The tweenies as Savile

Also in today's paper:

Two snow flakes found to be identical

Are bald politicians better than ones with hair? Have Your Say.

I found my way from London to Rochester using just Apple Maps, says Gary Straker speaking from the Seychelles.

Letters Lance

INSIDE: LANCE ARMSTRONG MUST HAVE BALL TO TALK TO OPRAH LIKE THAT

Daily Moan

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Has anyone used the pun 'lance the boil' in any article involving Lance Armstrong's interview with chat goddess Oprah? If not, please pay me £2500 every time it is used from now.

Yours, Shenandoah Boobastic

Dear Sir,

It's time for an in / out referendum on whether horse meat should be in our burgers. Where does UKIP stand on this?

Yours, Harry Horsemeat

Dear Sir,

I am really looking forward to a movie with a load of old retired news readers taking on the bad guys. The Unexplainables in movies near you soon

Yours, Sponsored Advertisement