Tesco Faces Backlash After Removing 'Yummy' Value Horse Burgers

Tesco's value 'beef' burgers with 29% horse meat in them were heralded as 'the most delicious thing in the Tesco's value range' last night, only days after they had been removed from the supermarket's shelves.

"Every Little Horse"

Preferring the slightly sweeter horse flesh akin to venison, many hard up burger eaters said they will miss the delicious meaty treat.

Whoa Boy!

A Tesco spokesman told The Boobs that had the burgers been labeled as horse burgers they could have sold for £5, instead of the £1 for which they sold, giving customers 'some of the best value of any British supermarket'.

Hi Ho Silver!

But further news that Tesco's haven't a clue what is going into their food was thwarted last night when we received an injunction.

Correction: In an article in our gardening section on Friday we claimed that a new variety of cabbage had been named after the prime minister David Cameron. This, it turns out, was incorrect.

Uproar In Surrey As Man Builds Jimmy Savile Snowman

A snowman with long blond hair, a medallion around his neck and a carrot for his nose was slammed last night as a likeness of the disgraced tv host.

But father of three, Derek Gulliver, 34, defended his grotesque snowman saying "It wasn't Savile it was Max from The Tweenies and I did it for my children."

Perv Derek bleated: "You can't even build a snowman without being politically correct these days. If I was Quentin Tarantino I could have gotten away with it."

Also in today's paper:

Two snow flakes found to be identical

I found my way from London to Rochester using just Apple Maps, says Gary Straker speaking from the Seychelles.