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Musical TV Cookery, King In Car Park, David Beckham ad and Letters 6th February 2013

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Musical Cookery

EXCLUSIVE: THE GREAT BRITISH BAKING IN TENTS SPECIAL - PART 17: MADERIA CAKE BAKED IN A PANDAL TENT

Dully Mirror (spoof of The Daily Mirror)

BBC Reveals 'All Singing And Dancing' Cookery Show The Day After Delia Leaves

The BBC has announced plans to screen the world's first daily musical cookery show, the day after Delia Smith reportedly vows to never make another cookery show again for the BBC.

The show, Les Eatables, will go out at 5pm on weekdays and will show people cooking while singing and dancing.

Contestants on the show will be invited to cook dishes decided by judges on the programme, and, while they cook, they will sing songs and dance.

A producer told The Boobs: "We've done cooking, what more can we do with a pan of boiling ******* water? We want to bring West End glamour to the kitchen."

Correction: In an article "Forces Of Light Fight Off The Nasti Party Over Gay Marriage Vote" we made a number of errors: David Cameron's middle name is not Franzipan; the stopping distance in wet conditions when a typical family saloon is traveling at 65mph is not three and a half miles; and, in the odd one out round, Darleks were the odd one out because they can't go up the stairs.

King In Car Park

NEW YEAR NEW YOU: HOW TO SAVE HUNDREDS OF POUNDS ON MOISTURISERS BY GIVING YOURSELF A FACE MASSAGE/STRETCH

The Thun (spoof of The Times)

King In Car Park Special: Plantagenet Dynasty 'Relief' After It Is Revealed Richard III Found In Long Stay Section

Richard III was found in the long stay section of the car park in Leicester and not in the short stay part, saving the Plantagenet dynasty potentially 'all the money there is in the world', according to quick calculations by NCP last night.

500 years in a short stay section would be so expensive NCP don't have a computer to even handle the number, we were told.

500 years in the long stay section would be only about £500 billion, an expert said last night.

Also in today's paper:

Chris Huhne Tipped To Be New Les Dawson In Prison As He Writes Series Of Take My Ex Wife Jokes

Why Flashing Your Boobies To A Complete Stranger Can Do Wonders For Your Heart

They May Look Like The Work Of A Seven Year Old Today, But These Ice Age Sculptures Make Da Vinci Look Like A Fool, Claims Art Historian

 

Letters WOW!

INSIDE: FREE DOG FLEA REMOVER SACHET INSIDE TODAY!!!

Daily Moan

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

I read your report that Lady Gaga demands to have ‘a mannequin with puffy pink pubic hair’ when she goes on tour. I had a discrete look yesterday in Marks And Spencer and they definitely have no pubic hair. I suppose she expects someone to buy some pink pubic hair on Ebay and stick it on?

Yours, Jenny Paingiver

Dear Sir,

In view of the revelations of the ex wife of Chris Huhne, has anybody considered the advantages of a formal ex-wife amnesty for all politicians to allow them to come out and say what they really think?

Yours, Bobby Nuggets

Dear Sir,

Congratulations to whichever fashion designer it was who designed a dress with a woman's boobie permanently popping out. It's such a shame the weather is a bit nippy at the moment which probably explains why I haven't seen anyone wear it yet on the high street.

Yours, Harry Nuggets