The horse meat in burgers and lasagna scandal was turned up another notch this morning after the FSA were forced to admit they haven't checked whether human flesh was in the burgers.
Questioned by some silvered haired bloke from Channel 4, the FSA went all quiet when asked if it tested for dogs or cats.
What he wasn't asked was if the FSA were checking for old people who have mysteriously disappeared from NHS hospitals over the last two years.
Eating old people is illegal and if it turns out human flesh had made it into the food chain then this could be a horriblyest grisleyest turn imaginable, a bit like a horror movie.
A spokesman from Find'orse did not return our emails when we sarcastically wrote to them last night.
Other meats not being checked for include: budgie, badger and Moshi Monster.
Also in today's paper:
Minister To Eat Find'orse Lasagna To Prove It Is OK, On Live TV
Minster Taken Ill, Not Believed Linked To Eating Find'orse Lasagna On Live TV
Minister Resigns, Citing Ill Health Hours After Eating Find'orse Lasagna On Live TV