Has Horse Meat Been Found In Space?

The horsemeat in food scandal went intergalactic last night after tests could be about to show that horse meat was in burgers eaten by astronauts on the International Space Station.

Burgers in space

Horsemeat in space is the most serious turn in the crisis yet and could mean it is only a matter of time until horsemeat infects the Moon.

An expert and fan of telly science sensation Brian Cox, said: "If horsemeat has gotten outside of Earth's orbit it could mean this scandal is about to hit the lunar surface."

"Whilst nobody has looked, there is no evidence that horsemeat has made it to the moon," a government minister said last night.

Correction: In yesterday's article "Expert Claims Horsemeat Could Be In Water Supply" we made an error: the chemical make up of water is H2O, but the H does not mean horse as we reported.

Did School Kids Eat Grand National Star?

School children, some as young as 5, could have been fed Grand National star Synchronised, it was feared last night.

Synchronised started the 2012 Grand National as favourite but ended up being shot all of a sudden after some sort of thing.

Synchronised's carcass then could have been sent to an abattoir who then could have put it into beef products, an expert said last night.

Tests by councils cannot tell if the horse DNA found in cottage pies sent to schools included Synchronised, the Grand National horse destroyed after it fell.

"This is an absolute disgrace. If school children have been fed Grand National runners it escalates this crisis to whole another level, again," said Mario Pimmshuffler, a scientist.

One reader emailed: "When they say they 'destroyed' horses at race courses I assumed they exploded them up to pieces and had no idea it meant they just shot them and then used their meat to feed to school children. It's a disgrace, the Grand National should be banned."

Also in today's paper:

Why The Long Face? Which Of These Hollywood Stars Ate Horsemeat For Lunch?

Oscar Pistorius: "I'm Numb To My Knee Caps"

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