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Moody's Downgrade UK, George Osborne Kiss My A's and Letters 24th February 2013

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Moody Blues

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Dully Mirror (spoof of The Daily Mirror)

Moody's Downgrades UK From Aaa To Aahhh

Moody's, a ratings agency, downgraded Britain to the lowest level since Gary Glitter was in the charts last night.

Britain's credit rating is now an Aahhh! (pronounced like you are carefully lowering yourself into a hot bath).

The downgrade is the biggest slap across the Chancellor Of The Exchequer's kisser since he was slapped across the kisser with a Cornish pasty last year.

Had Osborne done such a thing while he was still in the Bullingdon Club he would have been dangled by his naked ankles above the Refectory until he sang all three verses of God Save The Queen in Latin.

Correction: In yesterday's article "George Osborne Kicks Analyst From Ratings Agency Moody's Between The Legs And Shouts 'Want Some More Of That?" a number of errors crept in to the story. Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, did not use the words attributed to him in the headline; he did not kick an analyst from Moody's; Osborne had bacon and eggs with a carafe of coffee for breakfast and not cornflakes and tea as we reported; and the month of March comes after February again this year.

Osborne A's

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The Thun (spoof of The Times)

George Osborne To Rating Agency: "You Can Kiss My A's"

Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, hit back at Moody's, a rating agency who downgraded the UK's credit rating from Aaa To Aa1 on Friday, last night.

The downgrade means that George Osborne is now officially the most unsuccessful Chancellor of the Exchequer in history, and it comes on top of a string of misfortunes including horsemeat found in his 2012 budget.

Osborne, £53mn, said that he couldn't remember now why he ever said that Britain losing triple A rating would be a key to his performance. 'If it was possible for someone to kick themselves in the balls for being so stupid I would do it', he told a friend last night.

Also in today's paper:

Daniel Day Lewis Discusses His Career While Wearing An Enormous Top Hat

Katie Price Pregnant Again Shocker

"Nick And I Know Nothing" Says Cable

 

Letters Fruttock!

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Daily Moan

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

How funny a ratings agency is named Moody's. Does this mean they get moody? Ha ha. Chzk. I suppose it must do or why call yourself it? Pftwrtz. Certainly it must be catching. I saw George Osborne yesterday and he was furious. Yaa haaaarrrx.

Yours, Jan Jubblies

Dear Sir,

My favourite early bird, Evan Davis, was twittering that someone told him you shouldn't wash jeans but put them in the freezer. Brrrrr. Evan, it is cold enough outside today without having to put your jeans on straight from the freezer. But it does go some way in explaining how you are so chirpy at 6 am in the morning.

Yours, Evan Bigley

Dear Sir,

I understand that BBC news reader Sophie Rayworth makes an appearance in the new Die Hard film. Sophie, how about wearing a Bruce Willis white vest when reading the news next week?

Yours, Barry Flintstone