theVoiceofReason.co.uk theVoiceofReason.com
 

Beach Special, Cardboard Cameron, Letters 17th March 2013

Satirical Newspaper Spoof RSS-XML SEARCH
 

Beach Boobs

EXCLUSIVE: SIGNED COPY OF THE LEVESON REPORT SIGNED BY LORD LEVESON, BIDS CURRENTLY AT 99P, FOR COMIC RELIEF

The Boobs (spoof of The Sun)

Revealed: The Beach In Brazil Where Women's Tops Disappear Into Thin Air

La Bamba Beach, San Paulo de Cannio, Brazil: Shortly after the picture, below, was taken, three women walked past and their tops disintegrated, showing off their boobies.

Topless Beach

This is a regular occurrence on this increasingly popular beach in Brazil, which is rapidly getting notoriety as a bikini top Bermuda Triangle.

Crime lords, some as young as 10, are targeting the beach and using the sudden toplessness as the perfect diversion to steal money and jewlery.

Gaia, 18, from Romford, on holiday with her Premier League footballer boyfriend, told the Boobs: "I was just walking along minding my own business and suddenly it was, like, a warm gust of wind picked up and my boobs appeared. My bikini top had simply gone. Oooo! I thought, where did my bikini go?"

Correction: La Bamba Beach, San Paulo de Cannio was not the beach on which men's swimming trunks disappear as we reported earlier.

Cardboard Cameron

EXCLUSIVE: SIGNED COPY OF THE LEVESON REPORT SIGNED BY HUGH GRANT, BIDS CURRENTLY AT £15,000, FOR COMIC RELIEF

The Thun (spoof of The Times)

David Cameron Is A Cardboard Cut Out, Comic Relief 1D Images Show

Pictures have emerged that clearly show David Cameron is a cardboard cut out, in publicity photographs with world pop sensations One Direction.

Prime Minister Cameron's, 46, chubby face is stuck in exactly the same pose on every single shot that we found in a quick search on the internet, leading many to believe he is in fact a cardboard cut out.

Identical: The four images, below, that show a frozen David Cameron, with his pop bros 1D, seem to show he is a lifeless cardboard cut out:

David Cameron and 1 Direction - Comic Relief
(Above) "Hello young chaps I'm David Cameron"
David Cameron and 1 Direction - Comic Relief
(Above) Cheeky Niall (bottom right) looks like he is about to kiss the PM, but Cameron still doesn't move
David Cameron and 1 Direction - Comic Relief
(Above) Gorgeous Harry (behind Cameron's left shoulder) pulls his popular duck face that helped bed Taylor Swift, behind the frozen image of the UK leader
David Cameron and 1 Direction - Comic Relief
Strongman Niall (still bottom right) seems to be about to pick up the Prime Minister under the arms in the final picture in the series

A person who saw the images, above, told The Thun: "It was like that episode from that 1970s sci-fi show where everyone froze and our heroes could walk through the frozen reality. Just, in this case, David Cameron appears to be the frozen one and everyone else is moving around him. He should resign at once."

A spokesman from Downing Street shouted at us for suggesting David Cameron was a cardboard cut out even though we showed them the pictures we found.

Also in today's paper:

David Gandy Shirtless All Over The World, Part 17: Ipanema Beach, Brazil

Free David Cameron Cardboard Cut Out For Every Reader (Postage And Packing only £150)

EXCLUSIVE: George Osborne To Change Name Back To Gideon After Next Election

 

Letters Bungle

EXCLUSIVE: PAGES 12-16 - ARE THESE THE NAKED PICTURES OF JUDGES AND POLITICIANS THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE THAT WE'LL BE UNABLE TO SHOW YOU IF LORD LEVESON HAS HIS WAY?

Daily Moan

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

If David Cameron is a cardboard cut out, as revealed today by your excellent competitor The Thun, it explains everything. Why don't you occasionally find interesting stuff out like them?

Yours, Gary Bilingual

Dear Sir,

Imagine my disappointment when I saw the British Conservative Party's Barack Obama being interviewed on the Sunday Politics on Thursday. When he opened his mouth, out came a geeky computer nerd. Ewww. That wouldn't happen in the Labour Party under Ed Miliband.

Yours, Chuka Umunna

Dear Sir,

It is such a shame that Rowan Atkinson had to completely ruin Comic Relief for me and my family on Friday by saying the s**g word before 8 pm. My 8 year old asked me "Daddy, what the fuck does s**g mean?" BBC, please have a care.

Yours, Curt Mangle