Celebrity secrets hit an all-time high last week, following news that Rupert Murdoch has divorced his custard pie slapping away wife Wendi Deng, but nobody knows why.
Even former Prime Ministers were forced to deny they had anything to do with it, making many wonder how deep the celebrity secret hole can go from here.
One celebrity secrets expert said: "We have only touched the surface of a whole mountain of celebrity secrets. A number of new secrets are waiting to come out, but are being stopped either by injunctions, or because journalists have gone on holiday, or because some secrets are just so hideous nobody wants to write it down."
Of the 10,000 celebrities in the UK at the moment, estimates are that if each had 500 secrets the total could be 5 million, a record.
"The day those secrets all come out will be a busier newspaper day than the day after 9/11," a beggar outside our offices on £50,000 a year and living in a £300,000 house said.
Corrections: In our article, yesterday, Mystery Surrounds Boat On Norfolk Broads, it seems that a number of errors crept in. Tony Blair was not on the boat as we claimed. The seventh sentence should have read: "Liberace was a flamboyant pianist." Cake should not have been item 5 in our top ten ways to lose 10 pounds in ten weeks on a boat in the Norfolk Broads.