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News Yuk, The Terminal - Ed Snowden live, Letters 26th June 2013

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News Carp

EXCLUSIVE COMPETITION: WIN TEA AND CRUMPETS WITH THE TWO EDS IN PARLIAMENT

Dully Mirror (Daily Mirror)

News International Changes Name To News YUK

News International, the American owned holding company of The Boobs and The Thun, is to change it's name as part of a broader company restructuring, it was announced today.

The move comes after yucky revelations were revealed because they hacked phones.

A spokesman said: "It is a complete coincidence that the company's name is now News Yuck after those yucky revelations."

Corrections: In our article, above, News International Changes Name To News YUK, it seems that a number of errors crept in. News International's new name is News UK not News Yuk or News Yuck, as we claimed. We completely made up a quote from a spokesman from the company in which he claimed it was a complete coincidence that the name is News Yuck - no such statement was released. Rupert Murdoch is not 108 years of age, and the fourteenth sentence should have read "Fox Facts In Flucking Flux" and not what we wrote.

Red Ed

TUB OF LARD: "I'M NOT THE NEXT DR WHO"

Daily Armstretchograph (Spoof of the Daily Telegraph)

The Terminal: Edward Snowden's Live Diary From Russia, Day 3

12:30pm Shit, these chairs are hard.

12:45pm Happy. The vending machine by the toilets vends the bar of chocolate and gives you a full refund if you press 'coin return' and the number of the chocolate bar at the same time. My money will last much longer than I expected.

2:03: This f*king bing bong sound is driving me crazy. Why must they begin every announcement with it?

2:13 Just been on my third elevator trip of the day. It is fun to go from level 2 to level 3 and back again.

2:45 Saw a guy with grey hair from behind, thought it was Julian Assange. Wrong again. Doh!

Also in today's paper:

"Barby-Up Or Shut Up", Says Aussie Sheila PM Gillard As She Calls Leadership Vote

How Did My Naked Facebook Pics Appear On The Wall In FBI Head Office Asks Lindsay Lohan?

Win 1D's Pants In Our Brilliant Competition

Letters Again

BARACK OBAMA: "I'M NOT THE NEXT DR WHO"

Daily Moan (The Daily Mail)

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

When you watch BBC iPlayer you can watch a live television program but, say, 40 minutes behind if you want. Now, I was watching the Chancellor's statement today 40 minutes behind but it still said Live in the top left hand corner. Come on BBC get your act together. I don't expect to see a repeat but be told it is Live when it isn't.

Yours, Mungo Morrison

Dear Sir,

Further to your article 'Why do modern men hate their chest hair?' Just imagine Pop Prince Harry Styles with a hairy chest - we wouldn't be able to appreciate his delicious tattoos. WOOOP...

Yours, Patrick Grilling

Dear Sir,

Well done to Australia's first Sheila prime minster to have the balls and stand for a leadership election, and, just like our Maggie, she lost.

Yours, Barry Burtsonville