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All Politicians Are Crazy - OFFICIAL, Letters 25th September 2013

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Crazy Politicians

OFFER: WIN AN EXCLUSIVE DAVID CAMERON ENDORSED HOLIDAY IN DEVON WITH EXCLUSIVE PHOTOSHOOT WITH YOU TOPLESS ON THE BEACH (MEN ONLY)

Daily armstretchograph (Daily Telegraph)

All Politicians Are Crazy, Shock

A book, by that bloke everybody is talking about, confirmed what we had all thought for years, that politicians are totally raving crazy.

Politicians, some as young as 41, shout at people to get their way, sometimes shouting at governors of things, sometimes shouting at people on the phone and then slamming the receiver down sometimes breaking the iPhone when they do so and blaming it on their secretary.

Sometimes politicians who are really crazy become prime ministers and end up shouting even louder and using even more fruity words that they sometimes make up as they go along, and then deny it later.

Sometimes in recent history a prime minister swore so much a swear box theoretically could have made over £350,000 if the prime minister, who swore a lot, paid the £1 a swear required. (It is unclear how many extra swear words occurred because he was repeatedly told about the swear box.)

Correction: In yesterday's story: 'Miliband Hits Back At Energy Companies', it seems that a number of errors crept in: Ed Miliband is not the gardener in Downton Abbey as we claimed, but is in fact leader of the Labour Party. We incorrectly attributed part of the quote at the top of the article to Harriet Harman, in fact it was all Balls.

 

Crazy Quiz

AS THE FIREFIGHTERS STRIKE FOR 4 HOURS, WE ASK WHAT IS THE SHORTEST STRIKE EVER IN OUR BRILLIANT NEW STRIKE WATCH FEATURE

Daily Excrement (Daily Express)

Who Said What And When? Take Our Crazy Politicians Quiz

1) Which Prime Minister once shouted, when he was refused permission to speak to the president of the United States: "I'm the f**!ing prime minister. I want to talk to the f**!ing president you f**!ing f**!ing c*** f**! wit c*** face! AAAARGHH... arrrgh. OK, OK, I'm all right. Let me sit down for a bit. I'm so angry. Aaaarrrghghh!"

2) Which Speaker Of the House Of Commons once shouted: "I'm f**!ing going to nut you in your c*** you f**!ing fat f**!. Come over her and I'll give you a right f**!ing."

3) Which Shadow Home Secretary once shouted: "I'm not f**!ing talking to you, now f**! the f**! off and skip when you do it."

4) Which Prime Minister once said: "The next f**!ing c*** to say the bleedin obvious is f**!ing Northern Ireland Secretary!"

5) Which Prime Minister once said: "Don't f**! with me maestro of f**!iness. I'll f**! your f**! and raise you a f**!"

Video found in our awesome YouTube video top 100 chart, updated daily [link]

Somewhere else in today's paper:

Electricity Company Goes Bankrupt Following Labour Conference

Who Swears More? Labour Politicians Or Conservative Politicians? Our f**!Check team delves into the f**!s

How To Swear Like A Prime Minister - The Ten Words That You Really Need To Know

Letters Crazy

COUPON COLLECT: [HAND WITH FINGER POINTING RIGHT] 'I'M WITH THIS LABOUR LOONY' T-SHIRT

Daily Moan (The Daily Mail)

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

I saw those pictures of Justin Bieber with his boxers outside his trousers - it's only a matter of time until the guy performs in his boxer shorts with his trousers around his ankles. And then, when he falls over, pictures of his bottom in the air will be in every newspaper, you mark my words.

Yours, Bob Nunuts

Video found in our awesome YouTube video top 100 chart, updated daily [link]

Dear Sir,

Further to your excellent three page spread: 'Louis Tomlinson slips on stage during One Direction's first gig in Australia as part of their Take Me Home Tour' I do hope he has now completely recovered and hasn't bruised his rear too much because I know only too well how much this can affect your singing voice especially on the high notes.

Yours, Karen Cortisone

Dear Sir,

Oh, how hilarious - I see your newspaper has started calling Ed Miliband, Ed Milibean, like Mr Bean. The Sun is calling him Red Ed. The Daily Mirror is calling him Ed '007' Milibond, and even Horse Today is calling him Mr Ed.

Yours, Shirley Bollocks