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Jack Bauer, Royal Mail, Letters 16th October 2013

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24 Thriller

HOW TO AVOID GETTING CAUGHT UP IN THE POST OFFICE STRIKE - DON'T POST YOUR PARCEL OR LETTER ON MONDAY 4TH NOVEMBER

Daily armstretchograph (Daily Telegraph)

Jack Bauer Takes Control As US Shutdown Ticks Through Last 24 Hours

Jack Bauer, the world-famous emergency biffer-upperer, took control of negotiations on Capital Hill to ensure negotiations were ultimately successful yesterday, we have discovered.

The sound of electric shocks, screams and blood seeping under doors had been documented in closed doored rooms across Washington over the last 12 hours, but it was initially unclear who was behind the rampage.

A fan of the television series, 24, told this newspaper: "I never had any doubt Jack would be successful. Jack has battled terrorists, the Tea Party are ineffectual nothings compared to that."

Correction: In yesterday's story: 'Singing Sloth Sounds Just Like Whitney Houston, Here, Take A Shufty At This YouTube Video' it seems that a number of errors crept in: A pound of walnuts weighs the same as a pound of lemons, and is not three times heavier, as we claimed. There is no word Slothly. Have I Got News For You's abbreviations are HIGNFY and not HUFNY as we claimed.

Post Orifice

HOW TO TRICK YOUR POSTMAN INTO DOING YOUR HOUSEHOLD CHORES

Daily Moan (The Daily Mail)

Royal Mail Unions To Strike For Ten Minutes On 4th November

The Communications Workers Union is to call a strike for 10 whole minutes on 4th November 2013 in protest at the sale of the Royal Mail, it has been announced.

The strike is expected to effect anybody who wants their letter or parcel delivered between 11:10am and 11:20am on 4th of November.

A spokesman for the CWU told this newspaper: "Our members are livid at the Royal Mail sale and a ten minute strike is our way of saying thus far and no further."

Video found in our brilliantly awesome YouTube video top 100 chart, updated daily [link]

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Letters Dear

HOW TO BE CHEEKY, THE BRITISH WAY

Daily Moan (The Daily Mail)

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

I read your turgid article Don't blame obese patients for being fat, watchdog warns doctors with interest. What my GP has done is make the doors smaller at his practice so only the fit people can get through.

Yours, Ben Bradlee

Dear Sir,

I could not agree more with Oliver Letwin that complaining can make Britain a better place. Firstly, I demand they sack Oliver Letwin. Who's with me? Let's see if he really does mean what he says.

Yours, Jim James

Video found in our totally awesome YouTube video top 100 chart, updated daily [link]

Dear Sir,

Further to your story that the Royal Mail union is going out on a single one day strike. Surely that would be called a striklet? I was expecting at least a week. A day isn't even the difference between first and second class delivery.

Yours, Fred Thatcher