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Boxing Daygate, Sun Breast Implants Register, Letters 29th December 2013

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Boxing Day

ATTRACTIVE AMBITIOUS PEOPLE (LIKE YOU) MOST LIKELY TO FAIL THEIR NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS, SAYS SURVEY

Daily Armstrechograph (Daily Telegraph spoof)

People Who Think Boxing Day Is Better Than Christmas Day Almost Trebles in Five Years

New figures suggesting that British families are tiring of Christmas have shocked retailers across the nation.

607 families said they preferred Boxing Day to Christmas this year, up from 227 who said the same thing when asked in 2008.

"At this rate of growth Christmas could be a distant memory by 2046, with the nation instead celebrating Boxing Day instead" said a statistician.

Retailers said they would welcome another shopping day to help with the last minute rush.

"Boxing Day will be held again on the 26th December 2014", a coalition spokesman confirmed last night.

Correction: In yesterday's story: 'Radio Station Apologises After Playing Christmas Song On 26th December' it seems that an error crept in: Mulled wine actually tastes like red wine does when it's vomited back up if you have also eaten a handful of currents with it on an empty stomach, according to scientists.

Implant Record

TEN PEOPLE, WHO SUCCESSFULLY DID THEIR NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS ONCE, TELL US HOW THEY DID IT (INCLUDING DIAGRAMS)

The Sun Spoof

The Sun Newspaper To Sponsor New National Register Of Breast Implants

It is with great enthusiasm that this newspaper today announces it has agreed to sponsor the National Register of Breast Implants.

The medical community will now know exactly who has them, what kind they are, their weight and size and when something goes wrong advice can be given swiftly by doctors across the country.

The Sun's editor said:

"The Sun is the country's leading campaigning newspaper and what better way to show this than to put our name behind the nations's first register of breast implants. There will be a special breast implants edition on Monday to celebrate."

Video found in our YouTube video top 100 charts, updated daily [link]

Other stuff inside today:

Things We Didn't Know This Time Last Year: 1) Why Horse's Won't Eat Value Burgers

Learn How To Do The Ultimate Look Of Death To End All Arguments

Lib Lab Coalition Will Be Fab Says Clegg

Letters Politics

THIS NEWSPAPER IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT IT HAS BEEN NAMED 'CUMUDGEON OF THE YEAR'

Daily Moan (The Daily Mail)

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

We had a politically themed Christmas tree this year and dressed up a small doll of the lovely Nigel Farage as our fairy on top. UKIP for president!

Yours, Brenda Gummer

Video found in our YouTube video top 100 charts, updated daily [link]

Dear Sir,

I dressed my dog up as Nick Clegg this year for my political themed Christmas. I was hoping something funny would have happened but it didn't.

Yours, Henny Burtlesby

Dear Sir,

My political themed Christmas this year was a dinner with all the ingredients sourced from shops in the UK. Rule Britannia!

Yours, Dana Blue