INSIDE: HOW TO GENERATE ALL THE ELECTRICITY YOU NEED BY WATCHING YOUR SOAPS AND EATING CHOCOLATES
The Thun (the Times)

Scientists Create First Ever Invisible Dog

Scientists, some as young as 34, revealed they have finally managed to create a fully invisible dog after 10 years of trying, it has been reported.

"This is the first time a whole dog is completely invisible. It looks great when you call to it to fetch a stick you have thrown and he brings it back all floating in the air and stuff."

An expert, who was part of the project Invisible Fido told this newspaper: "I can't wait to see the reaction of my Dad sitting in his armchair when he gets an invisible nose rammed in his groin without any warning. It's a sure fire Youtube sensation in the making."

(Video found in our YouTube video top 100 charts, updated daily [link])

Corrections: In yesterday's story: 'Chris Pratt Works Hard To Keep His Impressive Guardians Of The Galaxy Physique' it seems that there were a number of errors: The article should have been marked as a sponsored article for the Guardians Of The Galaxy movie and not 'a couple of random muscly photos of him coming out of the gym' as we claimed. Vin Diesel also says 'We Are Groot' and 'not just' 'I Am Groot' in Guardians of the Galaxy, we are happy to set the record straight. Chris Pratt, 35, only takes his shirt off once in the movie and not 'a lot of the time' as we reported.

FAT PEOPLE HAPPIER THAN THIN PEOPLE WHEN TAKING NAPS ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT, ACCORDING TO SURVEY
treehuggian (the Guardian)

UKIP Member Tells Candidates To Copy Hitler Impersonator's Style

A member of UKIP, Michael Mastarbatoir, has told supporters to 'copy popular Hitler impersonators' at events, it has been revealed.

Popular impersonators, such as Freddie Starr, were praised by the UKIP member in Surrey, for effectively delivering his message while wearing a funny mustache and walking goose-steppy without falling over.

Speaking off the record Mastarbatoir, 68, also claimed that if you can find a women who can goose step in high heels she's 'a keeper', it was reported.

(Video found in our YouTube video top 100 charts, updated daily [link])

Also In Today's Paper:

Politicians In the Kitchen Special: Alex Salmond Cooks Salmon

Famous People Who Played Trees in the Movies: Number 45, Vin Diesel as Groot

Our Readers Suggest Plan B's For Alex Salmond's Hairstyle

HOW TO GET A SUPER TONED BEACH BODY IN TIME FOR YOUR HOLIDAY BY EATING SALAD
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Does anybody know what Joan Rivers is up to these days? She was big in the 1970s but I haven't heard a word about her in years. Is she still alive?

Yours, Jerry Mossfield

Dear Sir,

I couldn't agree more with that UKIP guy who reckoned all personal trainers should be renamed Fitler. I had my free session with one when I cut out a coupon in your paper and I found them completely unreasonable in their demands. I know how Chamberlain must have felt now.

Yours, Mike Goberry

(Video found in our YouTube video top 100 charts, updated daily [link])

Dear Sir,

Has anybody else noticed the similarity between the surname of the judge on British Bake Off, Paul Hollywood, and the name of the Scottish Parliament 'Hollyrood House'? I wonder if they are related?

Yours, Harry Belashortfly