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Fish Fingers, Harry Stiles Tattoo, Letters 12th January 2014

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Finger Frenzy

20 SURPRISING NEW FISH FINGER RECIPES WITHOUT THE NEED FOR A FRYING PAN

Daily Armstrechograph (Daily Telegraph spoof)

Fish Fingers Named BBC Retro Convenience Food Of 2014

Fish fingers are the retro convenience food of choice in kitchens across the nation this year, according to prediction experts at the BBC.

Fried in a little oil and then squashed between some bread for a quick butty, or fried until they are hard and eaten like pieces of toast spread with marmite on them, the nation is set to go fish finger crazy in 2014, the BBC confidently predicts in its annual What's Happening This Year survey.

Fish finger

The more adventurous can boil fish fingers in a saucepan with cauliflower and a pinch of nutmeg for a surprising treat, suggested one BBC food commentator who contributed to the survey.

"My favourite is to poach fish fingers in a little lupin milk and then eat them using an electric plug," said surrealist chef Marcel Dali BBC1 2:35pm Tuesdays And Wednesdays.

But not everyone is happy with the BBC's choice. One newspaper columnist, who criticised the BBC's Dr Who for eating fish fingers in custard last year, said the BBC were using license payers money once again to promote fish fingers above fish cakes at their peril.

Correction: In yesterday's story: 'England's Woes Continue Down Under' it seems that a number of errors crept in: Dame Edna's catchphrase was "Hello Possums". Crocodile Dundee's catchphrase was 'Flat out like a lizard drinkin'. The correct order of the third list should have been Kylie, Danii, Bruce, Sheila and Bruce, again.

EU No

BRAD PITT STILL ALIVE AT 50

Daily Excrement (spoof of The Express)

Brussels Supports Harry Stiles' Newest Tattoo

In a move believed to be an attempt by Brussels to become more household friendly in Britain, a spokesman from Brussels said he applauded Harry Stiles' latest tattoo, of a puppy dog, in a press conference earlier today.

It is thought that this could be the beginning of a series of positive messages for the country after officials in Brussels read 'How To Win Friends And Influence People' over the Christmas break.

Other positive messages penciled in for the coming weeks include:

Complimenting David Cameron's Newly Award Winning Hairdresser

Saying ITV's Splash Is The Best Diving Show In The World

Eating A Custard Cream With a Milky Cup Of Tea And Saying "Ooo That's Hit The Spot."

Video found in our YouTube video top 100 charts, updated daily [link]

Other stuff inside today:

Nick Clegg Agrees With David Cameron On Soup

Who In The World Can Wear Budgie Smugglers Best? Our Picture Editor Scans The Beaches Worldwide To Find Out

Woman Who Claims She Is The Reincarnation Of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle To Sue BBC For Copyright On Sherlock

Letters Petite

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE MOVEMENT COULD INTRODUCE UP TO 10 NEW SWEAR WORDS IN NEXT 9 MONTHS, SAYS EXPERT

Daily Moan (The Daily Mail)

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Will you please stop using the term Bruiser Balls when referring to the Shadow Chancellor. It makes me wince and recall that scene in the shower room in Porky's, or was it the zipper scene in There's Something About Mary? I can't remember now.

Yours, John Jamieson

Dear Sir,

So, Francois Hollande has a live-in lover? So there is a difference, then, between the French President and Inspector Clouseau, in spite of what you lot said the other day. Or was Clouseau's boyfriend Cato? You know, nobody ever asked that in the 1970s, we were all so innocent back then.

Yours, Burt Buggle

Video found in our YouTube video top 100 charts, updated daily [link]

Dear Sir,

Further to your excellent report "William Hague slaps 95 Tory MPs calling for EU law veto." I hope he slapped them all on the head, or across the face with his paddle shaped rugged northern hand.

Yours, Fred Beverage