theVoiceofReason.co.uk theVoiceofReason.com

Wolf Of Wall Streetgate, Genetically Modified, Letters 26th January 2014

Satirical Newspaper Spoof RSS-XML SEARCH

Movie Massacre

HOW TO GIVE YOURSELF A MULTIMILLION POUND BONUS JUST LIKE THE BANKERS

Daily Armstrechograph (Daily Telegraph spoof)

507th F Word Found In Wolf Of Wall Street

Just when it was thought all the f words in Martin Scorsese's Wolf of Wall Street had been counted, another one was found, late last night, the Associated Press reports.

The hidden f word is said when a city trader opens the fridge door, it is claimed.

The person who counted 506 f words in the film has been told of the development.

A reward of $1million has been offered to anybody who can find the 508th, paid for out of a banker's bonus, someone claimed last night.

Correction: In yesterday's story: 'Tennis's Attempt To Trip Jonathan Ross Up Again Hit The Mark As Stanislas Wawrinka wins Aussie Open' it seems that a number of errors crept in: "Weely Wather Wonderful" was of course a transcription of a poor impersonation of David Bellamy and not that bloke from Made In Chelsea as we claimed. Computer simulations confirm that Ross, 53, would pronounce Wawrinka as Wawwinkwa. The caption under the third image should have read: Ross, 51, troubled by terrifying tarantula.

Flashing Toms

HOW TO GIVE BRUTALLY HONEST ADVICE THE SIMON COWELL WAY

Daily Excrement (spoof of The Express)

Genetically Modified Purple Flashing Tomatoes Heading For Supermarkets

The prospects for purple flashing genetically modified tomatoes on sale in supermarkets came a step closer last night.

Their purple flashing flesh contains the same goodness found in blueberries and can be eaten in the dark as they also make whoever eats them fluorescent, scientists told the BBC.

The tomatoes were designed in Norwich, but grown in Canada who are less squeamish about these things than we are.

Purple flashing tomatoes could see the end to power shortages throughout the world as some small children can remain fluorescent for up to five hours after eating just one of the tomatoes.

Video found in our YouTube video top 100 charts, updated daily [link]

Other stuff inside today:

99.8% of Over 65's Haven't Had Sex In the Last Five Minutes, Survey Reveals

Who Looks Better In A Budgie Smuggler? Vegetarian's Or Meat Eaters?

World Pink T-Shirt Day Raises £3mn For Wales

Letters Again

ARE YOU A NINTENDO OR A SONY GAMES CONSOLE? TAKE OUR BRILLIANT QUIZ

Daily Moan (The Daily Mail)

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

I read your article that purple flashing tomatoes are soon to appear in supermarkets. It's a brilliant idea and I will finally be able to see what's in the fridge because the light broke last year and I haven't been able to find a replacement bulb.

Yours, Benny Dunbar

Dear Sir,

At last, flashing genetically modified tomatoes are heading for the supermarkets. I can see a big demand in the Christmas tree market with a tree decorated entirely with flashing tomatoes. Well done scientists, another festive winner.

Yours, Sermon Garfield

Video found in our YouTube video top 100 charts, updated daily [link]

Dear Sir,

Thank heavens Stan Collymore is back on Twitter. I aim to be Twitter's first troll billionaire and he is one of my favourite victims.

Yours, Noel Edwands