HOW TO WEAR A VEST THE WAY THE COOL STREET KIDS WEAR THEM TODAY - EXCLUSIVE LAD COURSE
The Boobs (The Sun parody)

Cecil The Lion Halloween Costume Removed From Shops

A Cecil The Lion halloween costume has been removed from sale after a Twitter campaign said it was tasteless.

The lion suit which retails for £15.99 was popular last year, but since the death of the much loved Zimbabwean man eater it is now regarded as in poor taste.

Lion Costume

An expert on Cecil's told this newspaper: "Cecil The Lion was once the meanest, baddest, Cecil on the planet."

The dentistry continues.

Corrections: In yesterday's story: 'Man Falls Up Chimney' it seems that there were a number of errors: The installation of the upside down chimney was in Cheshire, we are happy to set the record straight. 1d a day was a typical wage for a small chimney boy in 1856, for which he could buy enough food to feed a family of 11. Kumping is not an actual word, please ignore what we wrote.

INSIDE: HOW TO KNOW MORE ABOUT TECHNOLOGY THAN YOUR GRANDCHILDREN, PART 108: CAN I POWER MY IPAD OFF MY FAT CELLS?
CITY B.S.

James Bond Stopped By Airport Security

James Bond was stopped from boarding a flight after his weapon made the airport machines go off.

British secret agent personnel who designed the weapon could not be found for a comment.

Normally British secret service personnel are armed with weapons that don't set off airport security, so it is a cause for concern that they are now setting it off, a security expert told this newspaper.

Nobody of consequence died.

The build up to 007's return in Spectre continues.

Also In Today's Paper:

Ex Radio 1 DJ Says 'We Are All Just Energy Going Round And Round'

'I Am Round And Round But I Have No Energy' Says Obese Independent Radio Jock

I Am An Amoeba Sitting As Still As I Can, BBC Newsreader Insists

KITCHEN SINK WASHES UP ON REUNION ISLAND
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Why don't they let us commuters walk down the tube tunnels during strikes? It would be a bit spooky but much faster than walking over ground.

Yours, Jenny Liverpool

Dear Sir,

The weather has turned decidedly average this summer after a good start. I'm not sure whether to continue wearing my bikini to the shops or not.

Yours, Sheila Dump

Dear Sir,

Cecil is a really rubbish name for a lion. I do hope Katie Hopkins hasn't said that first.

Yours, Barry Bunt