TOP TEN TIPS: HOW TO SURVIVE BEING SHOT IN THE HEAD BY THE PRESIDENT
Daily Armstretchograph

Donald Trump Shoots Journalist Dead During Press Conference

19th February 2019: President Donald Trump was applauded today by thousands of his supporters for shooting dead a member of the fake media.

This comes just months after CNN, BBC and New York Times journalists were advised to wear bullet proof vests to all presidential press conferences, following Trump's controversial Executive Order allowing presidents to retaliate against rude journalists using 'ultimate force'.

Since his inauguration, President Trump had constantly criticised the media, but it has only been a recent discovery who was behind a number of USA based journalist disappearing. Until today the president had never actually taken a gun and shot a journalist in front of the press. (There had, of course, been 5 earlier occasions when the president brandished a gun and pointed it at a journalist during a press conference but he had never before fired it.)

A Trump supporter saw the shooting and told this newspaper: "The president lifted his right arm straight, aimed it at the journalist said "I'll ask you one more time say sorry" and then shot the journalist in the head. You've got to applaud visceral honesty like that. If they won't apologise what can you do?"

A spokesman for President Trump said it was only a matter of time that a journalist stepped over the line and got shot to death. "The required warning was given (as per the Executive Order) and the journalist refused to apologise."

Dame Laura Kuenssburg, the BBC's political editor, who asked the first rude question, has not been seen since December.

The Trump continues.

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Correction: In yesterday's story: BBC Journalist Shot Dead By Trump it seems there was an error: Alex Jones from InfoWars.com was sworn in as the third US vice president on Friday, we are happy to set the record straight.

HOW WRONG IS DONALD TRUMP ABOUT THE MEDIA LYING?
Daily Moan

American Alex Jones vs British Alex Jones, Who'd You Rather?

American Alex Jones:

British Alex Jones:

 

Our readers had their say:

"Alex Jones sounds crazy but her heart is in the right place and Donald Trump is a fan so she must be OK."

"Alex Jones is a real sweetheart. No wonder that Donald Trump loves him."

"She may shout and rant a lot, but Alex Jones sometimes says something sensible but just in a loud shouty voice."

"The day when Alex Jones disappears, all her ranting's about being taken out by the FBI will finally come true and nobody will be laughing then. Although she will probably be heard shouting and a ranting even in the securest of FBI prisons. So I expect her to be found pretty quickly."

The screaming continues.

Also In Today's Paper:

Food Prices Set To Crash By Up To 5% When We Leave Europe, Says Think Tank

Milk Prices To Crash 3% When We Leave Europe

Angela Merkel: 'I'm Not Paying 2% To NATO. Suck My Chunk§n.'

NATO 2% DEMAND RUFFLES FEATHERS IN BERLIN
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

I was hoping Tony Blair was going to be the next Doctor Who. Such a shame he is wasting his time with this politics lark.

Yours, Brendan McGaffe

Dear Sir,

I've just finished my Article 50 costume for 31st March. I'm going to be a crumpet with a marmalade hat. How British!!!

Yours, Catty Dinkins

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Dear Sir,

All this are they or aren't they on Brexit. I say do something!!! The news is getting boring.

Yours, Rupert Murdoch