ELECTION DIET, PART 4: IS IT OK TO HAVE A CHEAT SNACK WHILE JUST THE LEADERS ARE TALKING?
The Thun - The Times spoof

Cyber Attack Saves Man's Life

A man who would have died had his operation gone fatally wrong thanked cyber attackers today for saving his life after his NHS operation was cancelled at the last minute.

This brings to three the number of deaths prevented by the cyber attack in the NHS this weekend, a record.

In a statement from Jeremy Hunt, Health Secretary, he applauded the money saved on not putting anti virus protection on computers: "The money saved on not upgrading the security on the computers saved a young woman's life in January. Her name was Karen. That sort of good news is forgotten about in the midst of all this 'why didn't they update their anti-virus software' nonsense. Nobody died because of the cyber attacks, which were an international thing and nothing to do with us."

The Vote Conservative continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Correction: In yesterday's story: NHS Underfunding Nothing To Do With Cyber Attack, Says Expert it seems there was an error: The anonymous expert we quoted was Home Secretary Amber Rudd. We are happy to set the record straight.

I FOUND LOVE DURING CYBER ATTACK, SAYS NHS ADMINISTRATOR
Daily Excrement - Daily Express

LATEST PICTURE OF BREXIT BUS EMERGES AT SCRAP YARD

Has the famous Brexit Bus been scrapped?

This picture, just sent us, seems to be saying "Yes!"

Scrap yard

(Picture by Tony Hisgett from Birmingham, UK - Scrap yard 1Uploaded by tm, CC BY 2.0, Link)

It's a sad end to the Brexit Bus that carried the hopes and dreams of Leavers such as this paper.

Meanwhile, on social media, remoaners are making rubbish jokes about it, like: "Brexit Bus? One lump or two? Ha ha, I'd like to see the cup of tea that goes in."

So, goodbye dear friend of Leavers everywhere. Gone but never to be forgotten.

Brexit Bus

RIP BREXIT BUS 2012-2017

The Brexit continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)


Also In Next Week's Paper:

Monday: 400 Seats Expected In Conservative Party Drubbing

Tuesday: Conservatives Expected To Win 400 Seats As Labour Disintegrate

Wednesday: Theresa May The Winner With 400 Seats

GET A ROCK HARD FROWN WITH OUR BRILLIANT GENERAL ELECTION WORKOUT
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

Imagine my upset when my computer didn't get taken over on Friday by the ransomware attack. That sounds like a brilliant day off work to me for us homeworkers who don't get snow days as they work from home.

Yours, John Jammin

Dear Sir,

The sooner Jeremy Corbyn becomes the next Dr Who the better. The only way he's getting into Number 10 is if they put a number 10 on the door of the Tardis.

Yours, Sherry Bumblebee

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Dear Sir,

In 2013 the BBC took to court and lost claims for license fee evasion in 24,963 cases out of 178,332 claims in total brought. Now they want to know my address and email for using the iPlayer. Help. I'm scared.

Yours, Paul Smalls