ELECTION WORKOUT, PART 6: THE JEREMY CORBYN RECOVERY
The Thun - The Times spoof

Sacked Katie Hopkins Cries Hysterically In Car

Katie Hopkins cried hysterically in her car after being sacked by LBC this week, according to sources close to the curb.

One of the controversial opinionesses' Twitter followers claims to have seen the star in her car hysterically heaving and wailing and dabbing her eyes with tissue, the pile of tissue was visible from outside the car after her tearfest.

On hearing the news LBC colleagues, who had only just sat down after ovating for three hours after hearing news of her sacking, got to their feet again and are still standing and applauding.

One LBC employee told this newspaper: "It was like D-Day in 1945, but more happy."

The Daily Mail have refused to sack her.

The Hopkins continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Correction: In yesterday's story: "I wrestled Trump to the ground and mushed his nose with my fingers until he said sorry," said France's Emmanuel Macron it seems there was an error: We claimed chocolate cake was served. We have been asked to confirm it was chocolate gateau. We are happy to set the menu straight.

THERESA MAY PROMISES TO BE FIRST EX PRIME MINISTER ON STRICTLY IN 2018 IF SHE LOSES ELECTION
Daily Excrement - Daily Express

Election Campaign Descends Into Chaos

The election campaign, only two weeks old, has descended into chaos with nobody knowing what is going on any more.

At the beginning everyone knew what was happening. The Tories were set to win a landslide because Labour's Jeremy Corbyn was a leftie anorak who nobody would vote for.

But the latest opinion polls show the Labour Party gaining in popularity, confusing many, including the prime minister who called the election so that her strong and stableness would win her an enormous majority.

Theresa May, who once said this lady's not for turning either, turned down a chance to answer our questions.

Meanwhile: The BBC's Andrew Neill has been unable to sit down since his Jeremy Corbyn interview on the BBC this week as The Force intervened on the side of the Jedi Master Obe-Wan Corbyn, again.

The campaign continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com) NSFW

Also In Today's Paper:

Trump Pushes NATO Head's Head Down Toilet

Trump Tells Pope: Turn That Frown Upside Down

Trump Wins Curtsy Of The Tour Medal, Sean Spicer Runner Up

ARE YOU TOO OLD TO EAT CHICKEN NUGGETS? EXPERTS IN AMERICA SAY YOU ARE
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

As a defiantly grey haired woman I always base my general election voting strategy on who has the greyest hair. Imagine my surprise to discover that both of the leaders of the two main parties are greys, like me. I feel spoilt for choice.

Yours, Mrs Darmin, 89

Dear Sir,

I have been doing your Donald Trump curtsy workout that you had in your paper last week and I can't feel my back any more. Is that a good thing?

Yours, Harmon Smith

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Dear Sir,

I see British Airways are having computer problems. When my computer plays up I switch it off and switch it back on again. Maybe they should try that?

Yours, Malcolm May