BREXIT NEGOTATIONS PART 23: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF DAVID DAVIS RIPPED OFF HIS SHIRT AND CHALLENGED EVERYONE IN THE ROOM TO A FIGHT? OUR EXPERTS GIVE US THEIR VIEWS
The Thun - The Times spoof

Secret Euro26 Plans To Give Boris 'Wedgie'

A secret document shows advanced plans to give Boris Johnson, the British Foreign Secretary and chief Brexiteer, a series of wedgies as part of the Brexit negotiating process, according to people who have seen the document. A similar document in which David Davis's hair is 'mished' also exists.

Plans to get the British contingent to storm out of the room are one of the strategies to get the best deal out of Britain as it is slowly realised in Britain that it has absolutely no negotiating leverage at all.

A member of the Euro26 told this newspaper: "Theresa May has been practicing storming and screaming out of the negotiations over the divorce bill. We have heard her practicing in the gym at lunch times. OK, please go ahead . It will just mean we can stop for lunch quicker."

Caterers at the scene have been told to prepare for a small cheese and wine party if the British contingent storm out before 4 pm, according to people close to the sauces.

The Brexit continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Correction: In yesterday's story: Is This The Best Wine To Drink With Your Brexit? it seems there was an error: The article was unclear about the quantity of wine to drink with the Brexit. The article should have said at least two bottles per person to get the correct numbifying effects. We are happy to clarify our reporting..

ARE YOU BEING RACIST ENOUGH NOW BREXIT IS HERE? TEN TOP TIPS
Daily Excrement - Daily Express

Donald Trump Or Duck? Have Your Say

Social Media is being stumped when asked to tell the difference between the back of Donald Trump's head and a duck's ass, according to sources close to the controversy.

A series of pictures side by side of a duck's behind and the back of Donald Trump's head are confusing hundreds of thousands of social media devotees.

Can you tell the difference?

 

Trump or duck

Trump or duck

Trump or duck

(Solution: Donald Trump is the image on the left in each case).

The Pootus continues.

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Also In Today's Paper:

All Your Brexit Make Up Tips, From Theresa May

David Davis Already Practicing New Smile For When He Becomes PM, Says Insider

Recipe For Our Brilliant Brexit Cake Using Just British Empire Ingredients

TEN TELL TALE SIGNS YOUR ARE A SECRET REMOANER
Daily Mail

Letters To The Editor

Dear Sir,

If Theresa May is ejected as prime minister, to be replaced by David Davis, how will the romance between Theresa May and Donald Trump continue to blossom? We will all be the loser.

Yours, Sally Bigcheese, Mills And Boon Author

Dear Sir,

If Theresa May is replaced by David Davis the Trump/May partnership will turn from Maggie and Ronnie, to Little And Large, you mark my words.

Yours, Fodor Trump

(Video found on linksdump.com)

Dear Sir,

Does David Davis look like a game show host of the 1970s to anybody else? Someone get him to do the 3-2-1 thing with his fingers.

Yours, Harry Buckshot, 108